Hey, it's Molly from the forums, here with your requested review!
In a word, this was hilarious! Not exactly the typical Lily/James format, which was very entertaining to read and also very refreshing. The humor was ridiculous enough that I was laughing out loud but not so out of line that I felt weighed down by it. It definitely helps that James is the narrator and we know that he's exaggerating the details!
Now to touch upon the things you were concerned about!
Characterization - Aside from the high level of ridiculousness, I thought the characterizations of the four boys were very spot-on, mainly in the present day sections. They had a very relaxed, very easy give and take. They weren't being obnoxious in their teasing of one another; there was just the right amount. Also, you did a very good job at conveying the depth of their friendship. I know that sounds odd, but I don't think many people outside of his best friends would sit around and listen to him boast about himself - playfully, of course - for a few hours. It's hard to explain but I felt a deep sense of camaraderie among them.
Tense switching - I didn't have any trouble distinguishing between the past and the present. And even if you didn't provide the breaks, I don't think I would have if only because you utilized the present tense as well as the past accurately. I've tried searching for slips, but I couldn't find any. It's very amusing, hearing James talk about how lovely and perfect he was as a child and I must say, hearing him refer to Lily as 'the devil' is not only amusing, but very strange! In a good way, of course! It's a new spin on a story that's bee told many times in many different ways. As an avid reader and writer of Lily/James, it's refreshing to see a different take on it! Very refreshing indeed!
Try as I might to find things to criticize, I couldn't. The characters were original but still very in line with what we know about the Marauders. Though this is only the first chapter, I'm already intrigued to learn exactly how this is going to play out, mostly because I'm very amused by James' point of view on the matter. I do wonder what, exactly, Lily did that's made James suddenly feel the need to tell his version of the story!
Great job! If you wanted to come back and request a review on the next chapter, I think you'll find I'd be very eager to fill that request :P
Author's Response: Hi Molly! Thanks for getting back so quickly! I wasn't expecting it until so much later! :)
Yeah I'm glad you picked up on that! I was actually hoping the summary would tell anyone reading it that this story probably wouldn't be an accurate description as to what has happened, despite James saying it is :P
I'm always so concerned about the way the Marauders are portrayed. There are just so many different variations of how they are and it's hard finding the right depth to their friendship. In saying this, I always have this idea that James doesn't leave much room for anyone else to speak sometimes because that's just how he is (for me) hence the story :P
It's my first time writing from past to present tense so I was a bit nervous in case I made some mistakes! Haha! I was grinning so much when I wrote about James' description of himself, so I'm really happy you enjoyed that part! I'm quite excited about this one so I really, really appreciate the fact you find it refreshing :D
The next chapter will be up soon since I've finished writing it so I'll definitely be coming back to you to re-request!
Again, thank you SO SO SO much for taking the time to read and review my story! I really appreciate the feedback