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Review:kjp says:
Hello i'm kelsey (kjp) from the harrypotterfanfiction forums with your requested review.
I've got to say your style of writing is brilliant, I love it. It actually reminds me a little bit of Jk rowling's style and you have the ability to write in third person which most people on Hpff sometimes struggle with.
I think the stories flow went too fast for my liking and you rushed it a bit. Don't get me wrong your story is great but perhaps making it a little slower pace. You said that Remus was in love with Esther when they'd only just started a relationship which is one example of going to fast.
Your characters were great and extremely believable in my eyes. Although I think Remus would have been a little bit more nervous around Esther if he really did like her. Esther sounded like a really strong girl and I like to see that in a main character :D
Please come back for another review
- kjp

Author's Response: Hello!

Really? Thank you! JK's style?! *fan-girling insanely* Sorry, I had to take a moment to regain my mind *is still fan-girling* Thank you! I've been writing in third person for years now, I have always found it the easiest and most effective ways to write stories (I don't mind first person but if written terribly, I can't stand it!)

Slow the pace you say? Thank you for pointing that out; I'll defiantly keep that in mind when I go back and edit it :) You're the second person to say that so it's defiantly something I need to work on :P

Yes, Remus was in love with Esther but (and I forgot to mention this in the story) he had liked her for six years - basically since he met her on the train to Hogwarts in their first year. And also, Sirus said that Remus loved her he told her that he "fancied her"

Thank you! I'll defiantly be coming back for another review one day!
Jasmine, x


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