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Review:SnitchSnatcher says:
Hi, it's Molly from the forums with your requested review!

I know you said not to focus on the grammar errors, so I'll skip over those and get right to the meat of it, which, according to your post in my thread, was the characterizations.

I thought you did a really great job with Hannah and a good one with Neville. I don't know if he would have been quite so fumbly and nervous in the heat of the battle as he'd grown a backbone under the combined reign of terror of Snape and the Carrows, but he still felt distinctly Neville. I would suggest perhaps not making him so completely helpless in the situation, though; out of most of the students, in canon, Neville appeared to be one of the more level-headed one. Just some food for thought!

Also, Ginny - while I think you've got the basics of her character down, you have to be careful that you don't take one trait and amplify it so much that the rest of her character gets lost. By that, I mean her quips, mainly towards Neville when he's trying to help heal her. I don't think that Ginny would have been quite so severe. Perhaps a little more understanding on her part, given that they are in the midst of the battle, would be a good change to make. Again, it's just a suggestion since you asked me to comment on your characterizations. :)

I do think you did a really great job with Luna, too. I could hear Evanna Lynch's dreamy voice in my head when I read her lines of dialogue.

At any rate, I'm glad that you're working to fix the mistakes in the chapter. That shows such great initiative and I think that with a bit more practice, you'll become more than just a good writer - you'll be an amazing one.

- Molly

Author's Response: Thank-you so much for the review. I've actually got a beta reader for this story now which is great and it has helped the story so much so far, the edited version of this chapter is already in the que so it shouldn't be long before all grammar mistakes are fixed.
I still think Neville would still be the nervous boy that he always was and I don't think he'll ever change out of that... perhaps I did exaggerate it a bit :( but I feel as though he would be nervous. But thank-you for the tip
I understand about Ginny, but I think most people if there servealy hurt would be a little snappy, again I over did it a bit.
Thanks for the review and for seeing potential in me, it means a lot
:D
- kjp


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