Ehrmagerd. Oh my GAWD. MISTRESS. Like. Agg.
So. I'm not going to really comment so much on the chapter. I don't understand the end part really. But the rest was brilliant. In writing skills anyway. Everything else was upsetting. Agh. I don't mean it like that. It just was upsetting to see him getting crushed and denied. Like, if you remember my long ranty teen pregnancy review (that seems like forever ago, doesn't it) this was the reason I hated them. I mean, pregnancy is longer and you get the ruining of their lives over a longer period, but they can pick up after it. I know Ryan can and will. James had it all set out, so prepared, his future was solid since when he was very young. The thought of it when it hit him when mr Flynn told him he couldn't was really awful. It was. However, there was still a hope that there'd be a flaw in Flynn's plan, a problem, and it could be sorted out. Now, I do know you don't like the generic plot, but I sort of wanted that to happen. Also, when James is thinking about it, some of the most poignant points of when it actually happens are mentioned but not as sharp or painful. Yeah, I found the chapter when James collapses extremely upsetting. But this one sort of finished off the job. Like if someone you knew got a type of cancer with a 5 percent survival rate, you'd be devastated. After a while though, you'd realise that there was a chance that they'd make a comeback and survive, and it just had to because there had to be a happy ending. You keep your hopes very high up until you almost believe it's fact. This chapter was like when the person finally dies. All those far fetched hopes I depended on went out. Now, I'm not saying this affected me as much as someone dying, but it was a very eye opening chapter.
The fact that bink, a friend he hoped the best for but never really expected to get it unless he had as well, got it killed me. It really did. I don't know whether that or the fact that avery got it, the girl he was supposed to go with, devastates me. Him seeing his friends go where he wanted to be was so, so painful and so poignant. It completely dawned on me that James might not get his happy ending. It probably finished the job.
The lily thing. I'm not sure about it. I don't know whether you've set us up to believe he'll get it or if he actually will.
I get that you like twisting plotlines. It's fantastic and really original. It's enjoyable and not cliche. In writing this I've sort of ended the job myself. I can accept that James might not get it. The thing is, if he doesn't, I won't be able to read this story for a while. I can't deal with too much depression at once. So I'd let the sequel go on a while before i started to read it.
My imagination is running wild with things James might do if he doesn't get onto a team. If he doesn't, it is definite in my mind that his friendships with avery and bink would disintegrate. So, theres my opinion.
You did a phenomenal job on this chapter, Janice.
Tell Seth well done for getting this fantastic chapter dedicated to him as YOUR HUSBAND!
Author's Response: Whoa. Spacing, woman. This is a WALL OF TEXT.
The end part was foreshadowed, but will make complete sense at the beginning of the next chapter.
I definitely know what you mean about that shred of hope and the generic happy ending. I know people crave that, especially in fanfiction. But you know it's not real. That's not always how things work. But it does sometimes. I don't like to follow that path becuase in so many instances it creates a forgettable story. And I'm kind of conceited. I want people to remember my stories. To come back to them and reread them. And if I just had James get a letter because surprise - David Flynn was making it up - you'd be happy at the time but then look back and think... well, that was convenient. And lame.
The lily paragraph. That is EXACTLY what you should be thinking. I want you, as the reader, to wonder what I'm setting up. Am I setting up that James will find a way, or that he will find something else?
I want to bring much more reality into fanfiction. Too much of it you can see coming a mile away and I am well aware of the risks. Trust me. I get fewer reviews than a lot of other people simply for that reason. And that is a risk I am willing to take.
Thank you so much for the wall-of-text review! i hope you enjoy the rest of the story and its sequel!