Hey Jess, it's Molly from the forums with your requested review!
Let me start off by saying that I love that you chose to write some Next Gen kids who aren't written about very often and when they are, they tend to be portrayed as carbon copies of their mother. That or they've got nearly identical personalities, which is just one of the reasons why I really liked this because they couldn't be any different.
For your first time writing angst, I thought you did a really good job! I felt for Lysander all throughout - I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to be a twin, especially when you're the less popular twin who tends to get pushed to the wayside. At the same time, however, I feel like a lot of what Lysander's feeling is completely unfounded as it's his belief that Lorcan is better than him; we don't ever get proof aside from Lysander's skewed perception, which is just - well, it's awesome. I know a lot of people aren't satisfied when it comes to limiting points of view, but I thought you made it work really well in this piece. And though there's no dialogue, the characters - Lysander, Lorcan, and even Lily - all jumped out at me. I got a clear understanding of what Lorcan is like...well, through his brother's eyes, at any rate, but still you managed to bring to life a character that we're never actually formally introduced to, so kudos to you for pulling that off as brilliantly as you did!
Speaking of the lack of dialogue in this, no, I don't think it's a bad thing! In fact, I'm a rather big fan of no dialogue pieces as I feel they pack a much harder punch. Granted they're more difficult to write and sometimes the emotions end up getting lost, but that didn't happen to you with this one-shot. You not only pulled it off, you wrote it exceptionally well.
I think the last point you wanted me to touch upon was flow, which was very nice! There weren't any instances where I felt it was jolted or illogical to have reached that point in the narrative. Quite unlike this review, which has no flow whatsoever, so I apologize for that! Anyway, the flow was great!
This entire one-shot was really great, actually. Brilliant work!
Author's Response: Hi Molly! Thank you so much for stopping by and reading this; I really appreciate it! And you liked it! Ahhh!!! :D
When I received my quote for this challenge, I knew that I wanted to write about characters that were underrated or less used in fanfiction. I don't know why the Scamander twins and Lily aren't loved very much in this fandom, but I loved writing about them; there was so much uncharted territory and so much to explore. I really loved it!
And thank you! I was really worried about the whole angst thing; I had a great time experimenting with it, but since I had never done it before, it was kind of intimidating. I think I'd like to do it more; I love writing rom-coms but this is fun too.
And I'm so glad that you felt for him! Towards the end of writing this, I was a bit worried that people would find him whiney - because, like you said, his feelings are unfounded - but so far no one has so I'm really happy about that. Lysander is right in the sense that as a child, he was the unpopular and less liked twin - but Lily thought the world of him. And when he was sorted into Slytherin, he could have taken that as something that separated him from Lorcan, and he could have florished - but he cut himself off from the world, thinking that they didn't want him. If you asked Lily about why they aren't friends anymore, she would tell you that he gave up on her, not the other way around. Just a fun fact :)
And thank you so much for making me feel better about the no dialogue thing! I was originally going to have a scene at the end with Lily and Lysander talking at the Hog's Head, but I decided to leave it out because I thought it wasn't necessary and that it would take away from the story. So I'm glad that I stuck with that choice! Thank you!
So thank you so very much! I'm squealing right now in my dorm (thankfully my roommate isn't here at the moment to see me smiling like an idiot!) I'm just so happy that you enjoyed it and thank you again for all of the lovely things you've said; I think you're such a brilliant writer so to hear it from you is so exciting :D