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Review:ChaosWednesday says:
Hey there! It's me, Whiskey, from the formus with your extremely belated review! Really sorry about that, turns out I have a life sometimes? I know, I was suprised too...aaanyways to the review I go:

As in everything I've read by you so far, the descriptions were wonderful! I really enjoyed how much effort you put into setting the mood. It keeps the reader (well, it keeps ME) focused on every word, enjoying the game of imagery.

Sometimes, though, there is too much of a good thing, if you know what I mean. Here is an example: "His voice is almost buried by the sea as it creeps ever further up the shore". You have the sea behave like the ground (bury) and then like a living thing (creep) in one short sentence. Metaphors are fun to write and inspiring to read, but you just have to be careful about how many you pile on at a time.

I loved your descriptions in the beginning most of all. The liquid sky and the confining sheets truly set the tone for me and drew me into the story. I also quite enjoyed the Regulus sequence, but for some reason I could not really feel it. The descriptions seemed a bit scattered, jumping too abruptly between what was happening and how Gilderoy was feeling about it. But I admired the way you used rain to demonstrate how alone and outcast the two lovers are. It was a touching moment. Good job!

You asked the if story is too confusing, and I say "Yes and I love being confused!". The story seems to ask questions, which means it makes sense, you know? So you have nothing to worry about, I think. My suspicion is that Regulus is a bit more than just a memory? I guess I'll just have to read on to find out ;)

Lets see, a few more things I noticed: 1) you used "companion" and then "Regulus" very much in one part, it got a bit distracting. Maybe try alternating "companion" with a few synonyms and then "Regulus" with "he", while coming back to "companion" to avoid having such abrupt break. And 2) is just a suggestion, but I thought it might be interesting to mix in some bed scenes inbetween the beach scenes. You did this towards the end and it was quite effective. I could really feel the struggle and desperation Gilderoy must have felt when trying to hold on to Regulus while doubting his existence.

Hope this was helpful, I'm off to the enxt chapter.

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