Hi love!! So, I read this chapter right when you requested it and Iím going to tell you my first opinion on it when I read it the first time. Completely awesome . So, now that Iím reading it to write the review, Iíll be a bit more specific ;).
So I have to stop during my read and say that I love the use of Ďhis sky high noseí when talking about seeing Antiochís shadow on the wall. It just seals the idea that Antioch is in there to gloat and say that heís better than his younger brother, because we all know that when talking about a snob people say things like walking around with their noses in the air. Or whatever the saying is, haha.
This is a small thing, but Iím thrilled that the family left without getting a sitter or something. I often read stories where the parents leave and a sitter is used, and I donít know why the heck theyíd get a sitter when they just pointing out having house elves. If thereís an actual reason, like someone says something about not trusting them with their baby or whatever, it doesnít bug me. But the fact that youíve left the childrenís care to the elves just makes me happy because it feels like youíre sticking to HP world and not trying to muggle-world-it.
I think that all the brothers have a bit of a strained relationship, and it feels like itís passed down from Antiochís bossy/better than you attitude, but I do think that Cadamus and Ignotus seems like the closer of the two. They seems to have a regular sense of brotherly quarrelsomeness whereas Antioch seems to be nearly bordering cruel. I like that you use small things to help characterize the brother. Cadamusís interested with Astrid (LOVE THAT NAME) because sheís adventures and likes to play, Ignotusís reading and the fact that he taught Cadamus the word pretenses, then Antioch not even being there because heís too busy trying to get a new broom and demonstrating that he is above his two brothers.
And I want to know what the heck these worm/snake creatures are! Will I find out??
Amazing chapter, my dear. Iím happy youíve decided to open Valeriaís story up to all three brothers and not just focus on the one that mirrors Alphard. And that means, not the next chapter but the one after that, I should be seeing the world from Antiochís PoV, right? That should be a blast!
You really are writing something original here, itís a lot of fun to read. I think youíre continuing to make these chapters feel like they belong in there time, and your characterizations are remaining strong as well as your detail. I think youíve found a very solid balance between enough detail and not too much.
Iím excited to read the next chapter!!!
Author's Response: Interesting fact: I squealed and spun around when I read this review when I first got it. Another interesting fact: it still makes me want to do that.
Oh Jami! You give such wonderful and detailed reviews and I can't thank you enough! I just have way too many insecurities concerning this story but you're encouraging me to stick to it.
Here's something. When I first wrote this chapter, the first half -up until the boys wake up- was written from Antioch's point of view. Then, for some reason, I decided against it and wanted the whole thing to be from Cadmus's. In Antioch's POV, you could tell that he was bragging and I liked that part, so I needed to find a way to fit it in through Cadmus's eyes. And so the shadow came. My point is, I'm glad you found it expressive because I really want you guys to have a certain image of Antioch before we start seeing things the way he does.
The thing about the babysitter... I don't see it in that age. I mean, there're always servants around the house and in the HP world, it's house-elves. And each of the boys has one. But I'm glad you liked that point. Also, if there was a sitter, they wouldn't have gone to Astrid's, so...
You also seem to understand the dynamic between the brothers which is such a relief to me! I was worried their characterisation wasn't clear enough, honestly.
I have a bit of an idea -an insane one- at the moment about the snake-ish beings but I'm still trying to figure out the science behind it. But even if that doesn't work out, I think we'll know what they are.
And you know what? I'm about as excited about the chapter in Antioch's POV as you are because, honestly, I haven't written one yet. And this is the only one from Cadmus's that I have. But I know what I want to do with that first Antioch chapter and I can't wait to get the time to write it!
Anyway... Thank you so much for this massive and encouraging review. I truly still want to get up and spin around and squeal. Really. So thank you. You really make my days with your reviews. :D