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Review:RosieQueen says:
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)

You know, I kind of remember reviewing this story before...I don't know what happened to those reviews, they're gone! Maybe it was a server glitch. :P

First off, I'm glad you know about your grammar, punctuation, and spelling problems. I won't pester you too much about it, but I would highly recommend that you get a beta for this story. I see that you've already revised this chapter once, but there are still lots of mistakes. A beta is someone particularly skilled in this area, and can help your story a lot.

I really like how this started off! It was a way to get the reader interested, and I like that. Starting off with action is a great start. I also really like the overall flow to it, it was steady and mostly easy to understand.

Once critique I have though is for your word choice. For example, when Ginny is hit with that glass, it seems too mild for her to just say "ouch." Maybe you could say: "she moaned in pain" or "shrieked in pain" because it seems more appropriate.

One thing I did like overall was the characterization. Everyone seemed very believable, especially Neville. I liked how he wasn't doing too good under pressure. Hannah was great too! I think we'll find out more about Hannah later in the story. :) But I like her already.

Of course, since Ginny is your main character, her characterization is something you should be especially careful about. Right now, in battle, she doesn't seem to believable. She seemed way too calm and mischievous. In the books, when Voldemort is calling for Harry, this is the breaking point of the battle. This is the part where everyone is tired, exhausted, and panicked. I'm not telling you to change anything, just maybe show some of Ginny 's panic near the end.

I hope this didn't sound harsh! I was only lending some tips. You really do have a great start here. :)

~Rosie

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and not dwelling on the grammar stuff. You might have reviewed before but what happened was I started the story again from scratch some time ago and all the first reviews were deleted... sorry. I always saw myself like Ginny, so when I write her I write myself and I think she'd have kept the pain to herself and tried to keep calm.
I'm glad you like Hannah. Actually when she first comes into the story properly I didn't like her at all, but as the story went on a fell in love with her character
You didn't sound harsh its ok:D
Thanks for the review
- kjp :D


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