Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hey! I'm here with your requested review :)

I probably said this about the first chapter, but I like the way you do the werewolf's narration from its point of view, so that the readers get that sense of confusion and see things interpreted without an omniscient narrator there to guide us. Remus the werewolf seems to differ quite a bit from Remus the human; he isn't merely a beast without a leash, but he seems to have moments of frustration (like not being able to bite the man's arms) and other moments where he seems more victorious, casting a fearful presence in personality as well as raw power. It's refreshing to see him more confident, even if it has to be a little savage.

I know Dan beta-ed this for you already, but I wanted to point out that I still noticed some mistakes that kind of interrupted the flow a little for me. These are mostly subject-verb disagreement and punctuation-related errors. I think if you just proofread one last time before posting your next chapter (after Dan finishes with it), you would probably find them and be okay.

I really like Remus's characterization as a human, too. His reaction to finding out about his friends becoming Animagi felt very realistic, and I especially liked the touch of anger I felt from him in terms of them endangering their own safety, especially since it was tempered with gratitude. I think Remus has a lot of potential for exploring some very complicated and dark emotions, and I hope you'll continue to take advantage of that as this story continues.

I also really like the retelling of the others' journey in becoming Animagi. The reasoning for forming a pack seemed logical, and I liked hearing about the failures along the way to perfecting the transformation. I can definitely see in your story that the three of them really care about Remus.

Overall, I think this is still really good. I'm a big fan of your characterization, and I think if you just polish up those little mistakes to improve the flow, you'll have an excellent piece on your hands :)

Nice work! I hope this review is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey! Ugh I've finally come to answer your review. It has taken me some time, right? So sorry! *gives cookie*

Remus the werewolf is indeed different than Remus the human. He's fun to write, to be quite honest, because in a way he's like an OC. He has a mind of his own, acts for his own benefit and has reasons to do things but Remus' thoughts manage to sneak once in a while just to keep Wolf (and me) in check. What I like about Wolf being an OC is that I can play a bit with how vicious he can be. He is a dangerous animal and the last thing I want is to make him a fluffy and kind one.

I'll go ahead and do a read through and then ask Dan to re-read it again after I'm done with it. The more polished it is, the better I'll feel about this. Thanks for letting me know, though!

I had to up the rating of the fic due to Remus's reaction. I'm pretty sure that he would've said that if he were real along with more obscenities! Haha! To be honest, the next chapter explores different feelings, however, there will be a chapter in the future where I will have to explore the darker side of the werewolf so I'll keep your comment in mind when I do!

I really dislike how people make James and Sirius be 100% right at everything. As in that they were so smart that they became Animagi real quick without issues. I wanted to add that while they're smart, the task they took was rather hard and they had more than one mishap along the way.

Thank you so much for your review! I appreciate what you have to say and I'll definitely go through it once more.

--Rosie


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 582
Submit Report: