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Review:classicblack says:
Hey there it's Ali with your review!

The opening line was really brilliant. It immediately caught my attention. I wanted to know why and what was always her wand. It just opened up a world of questions and questions, when coming from the right source, are always excellent in a story.

The dialogue felt a bit forced in the beginning of the chapter. You seemed to loosen up a bit towards the end but it didn't feel totally natural. It felt like someone was writing dialogue as opposed to the characters speaking it. I'd suggest practicing writing scenes, but you'll always improve the farther you get into the story :)

I love that Spencer is a troublesome Ranveclaw. So many times the Ravenclaws are portrayed as goody-two-shoes and just the generally geeky kids (Luna is an entirely different category). I liked how Spencer sort of defied the stereotype, especially as the role of prankster and troublemaker is so often reserved for Gryffindors.

I noticed a few typos and mixed up words. You switched words (like "weather" and "whether") and misspelled a few things. Nothing too major, though.

Sometimes you mention ideas and occurences and then don't elaborate on them further, which can confuse a reader. For example, you mentioned that something happened "last time" with the House Point counters. What happened? Was Spencer responsible for it? Also, why was Spencer's family fussing over her brother? Is he a first year or is it just because he's younger? Just little details help fill up Spencer's character better.

I really enjoyed how you provided an insight into Spencer's character without actualy coming out and describing her. She's impatient because she didn't wait for her family, forgetful because she keeps losing her wand, and strong-willed because she pushed through the crowd. She's also a prankster, but that was more told than hinted at.

Overall, very well done chapter!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

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