Oh my God, Lily. I'm sorry I'm not very coherent rn but oh my God. You know I'm bad at keeping up with fic nowadays, even worse at actually reading it at all, but I've never been gladder that I am reading something than I am right now because oh my God. I'm sorry, I'm out of practice at reviewing too, but since there aren't any on this chapter yet I thought I might as well take a crack at it.
I mean... I just... your writing really blows me away because somehow it just gets under my skin, in a way, and it's like you're telling me truths I never knew, maybe never wanted to know, and it feels so organic and deliberate and real and beautiful and terrible and adjectives and adjectives and even more adjectives. I think the first person narrative really heightens the feel and the atmosphere; typically I don't like first person especially in fic because there's a certain template of styles you get when you let an OC girl narrate an entire story, and you know what they are, but this is so rich and textured, but it reads very smooth. I remember going through the first chapter and since I was short on time and not very enthusiastic about reading anything (!!! horror), I was just skimming, and it was difficult to read just by doing that.
So then I went back (I really wanted to see why this was getting the praise it was -- not that I was surprised of course, given that this is you) and once I got into the pattern, it just... it was like going downstream on a river, and sometimes it was gently curving and sometimes it was trying to drown me (IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY), but it was flowing inexorably somewhere, to some greater ocean and hopefully catharsis/closure/etc for poor Rose (POOR ROSE OMG, and I thought I was always awful to my myriad Roses). I don't presume to know where you're going with this, but I don't want to know, because I want to experience it and lie on my back and let your story take me away /terrible metaphor.
This chapter in particular... well, it was a doozy. I see Rose attempted suicide (or do I see? I'm never sure what I'm looking at with this story), and also meeting Scorpius obviously is exciting. It's interesting that he still seems to love her or want her ('seems' being the operative word?), because somehow I assumed that they were totally over and Rose was pining for him in her own self-aware way (I hesitate to call Rose's sense of self 'self-aware', exactly, because I think that she both thinks she knows who she is/what she's doing AND at the same time has no idea about either of those things, so much of her behavior is extraordinarily self-destructive and she knows it but doesn't somehow, and I worry for her but I'm so drawn to her but ahem I use parentheses a lot in this review). But what almost eclipsed meeting Scorpius was getting more of Rose with her family, or rather her thoughts about being with her family. All of those sections, all of her worries about the family friendships become perfunctory and obligatory -- God, that is weirdly powerful stuff. Maybe just to me, but agh, it just chills me. Like: I have put so many secrets into this friendship that it has deteriorated to something like a family bond, something like obligatory, perfunctory companionship. And Now, I find, I am trying to keep myself inside, I am trying to get out. I think you have possibly shaken me all over again. I can't pinpoint what it is that strikes me so much about those lines and the others like it (You are not god, you are not god being another btw), but it's so straightforward and it shoots straight at my heart and I just want to cry, and I feel my own blood quickening and how. Yes, it's melodramatic, but it's so... it's ordinary, and it's something Rose is actually saying, and the disconnect between what anyone would ordinarily say and what she has said... good God I think I'm going to cry.
Well, okay, I'm not going to cry. But I do feel very... strange. I feel like you've mined something of me and put it into this fic and that sounds strange but it is really... personal and universal and incredibly specific and caught up in its own mythology, but it gets everything right. Rose's neuroses and paranoia and fears and worries, and OH I FORGOT, Percy going behind his daughter's back? And what Rose says (the Sometimes, I feel it's good for me line)? Just impossible. Insane. This just sweeps the audience off their feet and puts them in some new place when it's done. It's so strange and so magical and it strikes a chord. I'm sure anyone else reading this will say that different lines spoke to them, different characters and concepts, but there's just so much here and I don't know how you do it and oh my God.