|Review:||Toujours Padfoot says:|
I found myself turning green over and over and over in this chapter. You hit every single word just right, fleshing out their emotions and environment with the finest of details that sdkfjdfj, made me so jelly. Like this here:
He watched her run one thumb over the curved handle of her own mug, finger pausing slightly each time at the line that marked where the two pieces that made up the handle were joined.
MY FACE. SO GREEN. WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST GREEN. I want to steal your brain. You describe things I've never given thought to, like here:
He had suddenly become aware of his own voice, and could no longer tell how it sounded to other people. When it mattered most, he could never remember just how to act natural.
SEVERUS, I FEEL LIKE WE COULD GET ALONG. That's such a human thing to think about. I love the way you show us the world, the way you portray these people. Severus's screen-time here was !!! That is basically how I can describe it, with exclamation marks, because my brain feels like a smashed lemon at the moment. Everything he did was so remarkably canon - especially the bit about him pointing out that it's not Beth that Voldemort's after, so why should she be so concerned about James and Lily being targeted. So very Snape. His selfish instincts just automatically kick into gear, and his subsequent shame at having said it is just an afterthought, a reaction because Beth obviously disapproved.
This chapter, just let me say again, was so, so vivid. The boy at the till, the bitter tea, WALKING TOGETHER IN THE RAIN (my shipper heart is standing on a mountaintop somewhere, yodeling), and the hug. Omg and the bracelet. SO MANY MOMENTS. SO MANY SHIPPER MOMENTS AND HERE I AM STILL STUCK ON THAT TEA MUG SNIPPET UP THERE.
It was so adorable and my heart just plummeted when you reached in there with your sword of evil and foretold that there would be bad things ahead. I'm so scared now about what's going to happen, if Roark will be merciful or hold this information over his head like an axe. I can't believe I'm saying this but I was rather hoping that Severus would kill him, just to keep his secret safe. I don't want anything to compromise his budding relationship with Beth. I WANT THEM TO FLOURISH, OKAY.
Roark, despite how much I loathe him, is a magnificent, magnificent OC. (He is an OC, right?) This right here really struck me:
He said this every time they had one of these little meetings, and so Severus was halfway to closing the door anyway, but he had half a mind to think that Roark was a man who got pleasure in thinking that people did things just because he commanded them to.
I love that. It's details like that that really make a character solid and three-dimensional. You could have supplied us with a generic laundry list instead (He has evil hair and evil Slytherin eyes and he sneers scornfully at people a lot, etc.) but you drop these bits in there and that makes him real. Roark feels real (and he feels like a different kind of villain, too, not a super straightforward, flat Voldy-type one like most writers are tempted to use), even though his role is a smaller one on the scale, and I really applaud you for your ability to do that. You consistently make characters shine. JELLY FOREVER.
I'm still just sitting here all dumbstruck because of the Caradoc thing, and the CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS THING, OMG. dskfjskdjfdfj I just. Brilliance. Best inclusion of canon things ever.
I feel like there was more I wanted to ramble about but now I'm just sitting here stewing in Roark knowing things because he is nosy and rude and HOW DARE HE, THOSE MOMENTS WITH BETH ARE SACRED, and I just see so many parallels here with Severus teaching Harry Occlumency, which I'm sure was intentional on your part, and so forgive me while I roll myself into a ball and fling out the window.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.
Author's Response: Honestly. HONESTLY. How am I supposed to be expected to keep responding to your reviews? Every single time, I bemoan it, and then next week you just top yourself again. I can't even. You are the greatest.
I know that I've said this before, but you always manage to pick out the exact lines that stick out to me in writing and reading my own story. There are some things -- namely, the crack in the cup and the timbre of Sev's voice -- that just /stick out/ to me when I'm going along, writing a scene, and I just feel the need to put them in there. Maybe it's you, tucked away in the back of my brain, loudly eating popcorn and weighing into the scenes. ♥ If it is, DON'T EVER STOP, YO.
I knew that you were going to love Severus and his screen time here!! You are always good for a bit of Sneth. :3 Have I mentioned lately what a fantastic support system you are for this story? There is nothing about it you do not comment on. As soon as I wrote this chapter (it was one of the ones I did in that halfhearted JunNo stretch at the beginning of the summer!) I couldn't wait to show it to you. I love that, getting excited to show you chapters. ♥ Whew, okay, I get sentimental late at night. Moving onnn ~
Roark was actually mentioned at the very, very tail end of ITB, though not by name, and I'm surprised not only at how useful he's been, but just that he's cropped up again at all. :D And YES, SEVERUS TEACHING OCCLUMENCY DERIVES VERY MUCH FROM SEVERUS LEARNING OCCLUMENCY. I can get literally nothing past you. I am a ball of feelings right now. You are the end-all to everything.
Helppp, so many feels right now. ♥ Just... thank you, as always, for being so amazing. This story exists because of you. It's written the way it is because of you. My gosh, Sirius/Beth is here BECAUSE OF YOU. You are a dynamic influence on everything I write. True story.