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Review:pennyardelle says:
Hi! Here with a review for the prologue, as requested!

To start off with your first concern, and the thing that is always in the forefront of my mind when I read or write opening chapters--I thought this was a good start to the story. You showed me a very clear picture of Sera's issues at home, and gave me a good sense of what her motivations are. She obviously cares very much about her mother's well-being, and she's driven to become a Healer because of that. There's only one thing I could suggest in terms of making it a little more engaging, and that's that I think it would have been good to expand a little more on the conflicts that Sera will be facing as she heads back to school, beyond the academic ones. I liked that you ended the chapter on a bit of a cliffhanger--that's really effective in first chapters. Maybe even if you had just expanded that sentence slightly, it would have really refocused attention on what's coming up (and therefore, why people should really keep reading).

I did like your characters, and I didn't feel like they were cliched or one-dimensional. Sera's motivation to become a Healer, but also her frustration with the fact that she has to be apart from her mother for so long, was what really stood out to me about her in this chapter and gave me a sense of who she is. The way you wrote Sera's mother was very realistic. The only odd moment of characterization that I noticed was when Sera asked what was going to happen to her mother when she left for school--with all of her concern about her mother's well-being, it struck me as a little odd that she hadn't made all of the arrangements concerning who was going to take care of her mother. It would have seemed more in keeping with her character to just have her express her concern to Jonathan, and then he could have reassured her that his mother would take good care of hers (or something along those lines, anyway).

You also asked about grammar--I think this was really well-written. I wouldn't have been able to tell that English wasn't your first language at all, if you hadn't told me. The only little thing I noticed was that you had a few sentences that were comma splices (i.e., two full sentences separated by a comma instead of a period/semi-colon).

"She didn't lift her glance from her knit work, she was concentrating hard on the slow movement of her needles and I doubted that she had heard me."

"The years hadn't been kind to my mother, her long and once beautiful blonde hair had already turned grey, making her look older than she really was."

"But she wasn't listening anymore, she was knitting again and humming the old nursery rhyme."

I tried to think about whether any of these would sound better with a period/full-stop than a semi-colon, or vice versa, but I think either way would work.

So, to summarize, I thought it was very well-written, I liked the characters and how realistic they were, and I think you did a good job with crafting a first chapter (and especially an ending for it) that will pique readers' interest. I hope the other comments I had were helpful to you! :)

Author's Response: OMG, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this lovely review! But I'm here now so better late than never, right? No? Please forgive me *sobs* d:

Thank you so much for those tips. I'll definitely look into them when I edit this the next time, because they make sense!

Hmm, I think I need to reword that part, if you got that impression. Because that wasn't my intention. Thank you for pointing it out! And I'm really glad you liked my characters (:

Thank you so much for your lovely review, it was extremely helpful and gave me a lot to think about! And once again sorry for taking so long to respond to this!


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