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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi darling! I feel so sad for Helga, what a horrible position. You've made these characters all very complex and I think you're doing such a great job at following through with their personalities. And Helga's feelings when Salazar told her that he is left with that sense of hope, ahh! I could seriously feel myself getting all mushy for her! Haha!

So, I know you're worried about this chapter being dense and long, and I have to say that your worries show. It's under 4,000 words, a few of my favorite stories range around 8,000 word chapters. Ignore your chapter word count, if it goes over 9,000 split it up because (i've learned from writing a 10,000 word one) that's just too long. But I could feel you kind of rushing each scene in this, mostly the boggart one. Everything happened too quickly and too smoothly, I think that would have been a wonderful section to show more dynamics of their friendships. Playful arguing, throwing around some suggestions before going with the charm we know what it ultimately ends up as.. that scene wasn't bad by any means, I kind of just felt cheated at the chance to see the four of them really interact. And I think you only wrote it that way to keep your word count low.

I really don't think there's anything in here that should be cut out, and I think you transitioned from scene to scene very smoothly. The jumping in time, absolutely not confusing or done poorly. It makes it clear that time has passed but doesn't seem out of place, it's wonderful.

I feel like *you* think this chapter is kind of a filler. Character development is easily the most important things to some stories. You're showing us your characters in this! This chapter is about getting inside their heads and you do it beautifully, so don't be afraid to expand on some of the scenes.

I'm really looking forward to how Helga is going to tell Salazar! I wish he didn't have such set ideas of what is okay and not. Poo. Slytherins ;).

I hope this was helpful, and please PM me if I've been too vague or anything! I can't wait to read the next chapter!!

Jami

Author's Response: Hey Jami! It's so great to hear from you, and thanks so much for this review!

I'm glad you sympathize with Helga here; she definitely has a lot to think about, that's for sure :/ And it's great to hear that the characters are still developing well for the most part.

You're so right about the word count thing. I was really concerned about keeping it low, so I didn't really explore the scenes as deeply as I could have. Honestly, I'm not even sure why. I was just super paraniod about bombarding the reader with too much all at once. But I don't want to sacrifice the dynamics between these characters, so I want to go back and edit this when I have a chance. I'm really glad you pointed out the fact that you felt rushed...it gives me a gague for how I'm doing, and now I know that I don't have to worry so much about word count in the future :)

I was worried about the time jump too, but it's really reassuring to hear that it didn't feel wierd. And I'm glad you're still looking forward to what happens next! Like I said, your comments make me want to go back and edit this chapter a bit, just to settle the pace down and delve into the characters a little more. This story has been a learning experience for me so far, and I'm so grateful for your suggestions! I think they've really helped me improve :)

Thanks again for coming by! I've got a good chunk of ch. 6 written, so hopefully it won't be too much longer. I'll re-request when it's up!

--Mags


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