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Review:pennyardelle says:
Wow! This is a really fantastic depiction of Sirius and Remus. (I need to read more of your stories--mental note that I've had stuck somewhere in my brain for ages.) I loved the initial scene--you could feel the tension coming from Sirius, the fact that he didn't trust Remus.

The map imagery was really great, too. For some reason, when I started, I wasn't even thinking of the Marauder's Map, and then when it cropped up, I felt like a bit of a dummy. :P It's so poetic to think of Remus as a cartographer, not just in the real sense of the word, but in some figurative sense that I'm not very good at putting into words.

I think the only thing I could suggest was--and this may just be something lacking in my reading, not your writing--that I did occasionally feel a bit confused about where we were at chronologically. Maybe a few words here or there could have helped to pin down where each scene was taking place from an earlier point. I usually figured out what was happening, but sometimes it took a few sentences or a paragraph. I think the part that might really benefit is the third section (the paragraph starting with "No one"), because that was where I felt least sure of what the time period was.

That said, this was a really beautiful piece of writing! You capture both Remus and Sirius so well.

Author's Response: Hi, Penny! I was pleasantly surprised to find a review by you, so thank you. :)

It's really hard to love Remus/Sirius and address that moment in history where Sirius believes Remus is the traitor and winds up putting his trust in the wrong friend.

This whole fic was written with the idea of the map in mind, so I'm glad the imagery worked for you. Ha, it's okay that the Marauder's Map didn't even occur to you. Remus really is a great character and he fits the role of a mapmaker quite well. He's methodical and he pays careful attention to detail. I think that helps him move through his grief and not focus on how his life is falling apart because he has that structure of the map, you know?

The ordering/confusion over each section was definitely a concern of mine so thank you for pointing out that it didn't work for you. It alternates past and present so the "No one" part takes place post-OoTp after Sirius's death. I'll look at it and see if there's anything I can add that will help you identify it better.

Thanks so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read and review my little fic. :)


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