Hi! I'm here with your requested review. :)
This was hauntingly beautiful! It was definitely very different from your old stuff, but in a good way, I think. The first part, where Rose has her inner monologue, struck me as very poetic. I actually heard it in my head as if Rose was at a poetry reading and she was reading it. I have no idea if that was intentional or not, but I think it worked incredibly well!
I also liked the vagueness of it. Rose never said exactly what happened in the forest, nor do we know for sure what happened in the end, but an astute reader can figure it out from the clues. I do doubt that younger readers would understand exactly what happened (and yes, I am being vague in this review to keep it 12+), but that's more a personal choice than something that needs to be fixed. I personally think the vagueness is good.
I think the emotions were definitely your strong suit in this piece. Rose's fear, both about what happened and about Scorpius finding out, came across very well. The paragraph describing the panic she feels when Scorpius talks to her was done very well.
I didn't find very many grammatical or spelling errors. Just a sentence missing a word- "I rise out of my chair and head for door." You're missing the "the" before "door."
One thing I would've enjoyed having in here was a little more on the nature of Scorpius and Rose's relationship. Obviously they are together, but for how long? Did they just get together? Or have they been together a while? Perhaps even another sentence or two of characterization for Scorpius. That way the reader has a little more invested in their relationship, which would only strengthen your piece.
I think the parts you have in italics are perfect! I read them as poetry rather than lyrics, which helped continue the poetic beat throughout the story. And I think you did the poetry thing very well!
I really loved this story. The style was wonderful and the plot well-executed. You handled a sensitive subject very well! Feel free to re-request for another story! :)
Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm sorry for the delayed response!
Yes, it is very different from my old stuff, isn't it? After three years, I just had this urge to get back into writing - I needed it, really. I'm so glad you liked that first part! I've had a lot of complaints about it, actually. I suppose that other reviewers didn't really understand the stream of consciousness. Ah well, you're a fabulous reviewer and so perceptive!
I'm also glad you liked the vagueness. I definitely agree with you when you say that younger readers might not understand. But, I think the gravity of the situation holds its own, for sure.
Thank you! I think I've always been sort of strong when it comes to emotions, but I think this is just another testament to my growth as a writer. I'm glad you liked the emotions - it's something I feel strong about - to me, a story is nothing with an emotional element.
Oh, thank you for pointing that out! I really should edit!
You're right, I probably should extend this, but I just can't bring myself to do so! I'm always afraid I will edit and mess up what I've got, but I will definitely consider it! :)
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I really do appreciate it! :)