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Review:Aphoride says:
I have to say, first off, that I really don't normally read this sort of AU. I generally prefer really wild AU - like the Marauders stuck in Arthurian times or something like that. Things like this where the details are changed, so it's not quite the same world we know from the books is not generally my sort of thing.

Anyway, I've seen this around on the archives a couple of times when I've been looking for things to read and somehow never got round to it (even though I made a mental note that I probably should), so I'm here now :P

Your first and last paragraphs were lovely. They were simple, easy to read and understand, so full of emotion and very, very poignant. There was so much weight carried in them, but at the same time they seemed to light... I dunno, they were just lovely.

I think one thing, if I had to give you one thing to work on, would be your word choice. You used 'evil' a lot in this, and you seemed hesitant to use words like 'screamed' instead of 'cried' and to make things more sudden. It was like you wanted it to be soft - but you're writing action. You can't let your words hesitate, or the scene hesitates. Does that make sense? I hope so... :)

Gah, the emotion in this was just lovely, though. I thought you handled the angst really well. You used enough emotion and enough force with it to make me really believe that Ginny was feeling that way and to get the hurt across. I'm a pretty hard-hearted person, too, so kudos to you ;)

Lastly, your characterisation was great, as well. Ginny seemed so like the character we know from the books - although, of course, we only saw her through Harry's eyes which coloured her a bit. Rose-tinted glasses and all that jazz. I thought she was well developed and she felt genuine and real, which is always so good to find in a story.

And, of course, the Ron/Hermione moment was just lovely :)

I really enjoyed reading this - I'm glad I found this on your page in the battle.

Aph xx

p.s. I'm still not entirely sure if what I meant about hesitating was clear - if not, feel free to pm me to ask questions. I don't bite, I promise!

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for the amazing review! :D

I'm not really an AU fan either--this was pretty much an experiment for me. (And by the way, my head-canon is that Harry and Ginny live a long and happy life together. :P)

I'm glad you liked the fact that I got the emotions across! That was primarily my goal. :)

I know, word choice and description is something I have serious problems with and I'm trying to improve that. Thank you for pointing that out! :)

Again, thanks for the lovely review! :D


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