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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

There are a lot of intriguing plot elements to your story that I like a lot! First, there is the twist that Hermione has moved to New York to escape celebrity. I also liked the idea of her working on a romance novel in her head. That made me smile. :)

I also like the mix of muggle/witch clientele that come into the store ... I think it's clever that she attempts to build tolerance between muggles and witches by making sure that the muggle customers have a good experience there.

I also have a few editing suggestions. One is to de-italicize the italicized sections from the beginning through the paragraph about Calvin. I think italicized thoughts have more impact when they're limited to a sentence or two, as you've done later on in this chapter.

While I find the psychic vampire that she chases off very interesting, I think it would help to briefly explain what they are or what they do -- maybe even by showing what they do. Many readers may not know what they are, and assume "Twilight" or think it is a slang term. I would also like it if Hermione's status as a Guardian could be explained more, maybe have her recall how she became a guardian.

I like the other mysterious visitors that come into the store (the Romany and the Frenchman) and hope that they will appear again ... I'm assuming they will play a part in an investigation of the psychic vampire??

Author's Response: I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to your review. Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter and for all your insight. I will keep all of this in mind when I go back over the holidays and do edits.

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