Hi Maggie! I'm here with your requested review :)
So, I actually did get most of this chapter read when we swapped... but god if I could get one extra second to review on that day? Nope. But that's okay! Because hopefully I might actually be able to be helpful re-reading it :)
I really liked the way you wrote Salazar's mannerisms through Helga's eyes at the start of this chapter. Every little detail she spoke of his actions just fit the situation so well and I think it worked with his out-of-mind dialogue. It really fit her concerned personality, and his hardened one, so well. I really do love your imagery through the whole thing in that regard.
One thing I love is how you've taken the traits each of the Founders looked for in their students, and you've worked them in so subtitle, but in such a recognizable way. Like with Rowena. You don't go out-right and say "She's smart, she's witty", but you just write her that way. It really makes the characters come to life from what little we know about them.
Oh my Godric, the part with Gryffindor! Seriously, so adorable. I am a little bit curious though about the fact that she's a muggle. I mean, I certainly don't want to have her leave but I know that Hogwarts had the protection that all Muggles could see from the school would be a "mouldering ruin with a sign warning them to keep out, that it's unsafe" - I hope that she's able to stay!
I loved Elaine, and that whole scene in the kitchen. You've got a small cast, and it really gives the chance for even more minor characters to come out in their own light and be loved.
You asked about more imagery. I really think you've done a lovely job talking about their mannerisms and the things surrounding them. The only place I could possibly think that I would have liked to see a little bit more of inner monologue from Helga would be her thoughts on Salazar's actions -- or, lack thereof -- as she watched him at dinner. Maybe just another sentence or two during that scene? I felt like that was the only part that ended a little too quickly.
YES :) it sets up suspense. I can't wait what happens when they confront the Boggart tomorrow. I'm kind of curious... so, it's Salazar with the fire, so I'm wondering what Helga's will be. And of course I'm wondering how it's going to affect their -- hopefully -- budding romance.
Honestly, I told you before but I'm so in love with this story. Keep up the great work hun. Of course, please do re-request!
Author's Response: Julie, hey! I'm so glad you got a chance to come by! And oh my goodness, I completely get it. RL can be crazy :/ But thanks so much for this review!
I just tried to imagine how Helga would react to Salazar in that situation, seeing him so troubled by the boggart. And I've said it before, but everything Salazar says or does is a challenge for me to write. So I'm really glad that scene worked well, and they stayed true to themselves as characters :)
Ahh, I'm so happy you're liking the Founders! I really wanted to give them the distinctive traits their houses are known for, but without stereotyping them too much, you know? And it's also great to know the "show don't tell" thing is working well; that's something I think we've all had trouble with at one point or another :)
It's so awesome that you're picking up on future conflicts about the Muggle issue at Hogwarts. I don't know how big a part that will play for Elaine in this story, but I definitely see it as a point of contention for the founders at some point. I'm still working out the details :) And I love working with a small cast for the exact reason you said. It lets me explore each character a little more deeply, and it's so fun :)
I will definitely look into adding to that dinner part a little bit. Thanks for the suggestion! I see how a little more detail there would be good :)
I'll be re-requesting as soon as I can, so hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer to see the rest :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. This made my day!