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Review:megthechef43 says:
Ashling586,

I am very confused after reading this first chapter. I'm not sure what just happened or why. It feels like there is a prequel that I'm missing because I'm not sure what a Rom is or a Guardian. Who is Karen and the three regulars? The first part of this chapter where I think Hermione is thinking to herself is completely different from the rest of the chapter and I'm not quite sure where this all ties into the story. Why did Hermione give up the info about the Rom if she promised to help him?? Why did Hermione leave England and all her friends?

I think there could be a story in there somewhere but there isn't much flow or transitions between the paragraphs or scene changes.

I feel like I'm being horribly mean and that is not my intent but I hate to recommend a beta all the time but I really think you need someone to read over your chapter and discuss what you are trying to convey to your readers. Plus, I feel like your first chapter needs a prolouge or something to help explain the situation in this chapter.

Again, I think this could become a good story and many will read.

Hopefully you continue to write your story because it is interesting.

Megthechef43 aka Meg

Author's Response: First let me apologize for taking so long to respond to this review. Thank you for taking the time to read and review this chapter. I will be sure to keep all your insight in mind during my next edit. Thank you again.

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