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Review:Calypso says:
Hello, this is Calypso from the forums, here with your requested review!

Your beginning was really gripping. I really liked the way you sort of structured this around Alice's desire to protect Neville. It seemed really natural that in this time of panic, her first priority would be ensuring Neville's safety, and the passages concerning Neville were really well written.

I felt that you really captured the terror of the piece. The part where Alice briefly escapes to alert the Order was really vivid, as were her recollections of her first experiences with Frank. It was nice to see some of their back story, and it kind of made it feel as if her life was flashing before her eyes.

I thought the scene where Alice hexes Bellatrix before Frank kisses her could have been a little more stretched out. It seemed to go from one thing to another a little quickly and your style of writing there seemed much more chatty and informal there than in the rest of the piece- it stood out a little.

I have mixed feelings about the parts in italics! I thought they were really beautifully written (I loved the description of it taking over the cells in his body) and I liked the way they seemed thoughtful but also strong. They also fitted in structurally very well, breaking up Alice's narrative without seeming disconnected or disjointed and the way you twisted the focus of those parts from loneliness to love worked wonderfully well.
However, I have to admit that they left me a little confused (and I hope that's not just me being thick!)

I've re-read it a couple of times, which helped a bit and have come to the conclusion that it's a kind of dialogue between Sirius and James. I hope I got that right! So yeah- that bit was a little confusing, and the link between the two storylines wasn't always clear. (Apart from the relationship between Alice and Neville and Lily and Harry.)

There were also a couple of spelling errors I picked up on- "death Eater" instead of "Death Eater" and "Hagrit" instead of "Hagrid"- things like that which I'm sure you could find by reading it through again.

When I read this, I wondered all the way through how you were going to handle the final part where the Cruciatus curses become too much and I think you did it really well. It made it a sort of happy/sad ending which I liked, because while we know what happens to Alice and Frank, to her it just feels like a release. I liked the effect of all the questions in that section and the way she was left with the assurance that Neville was safe. And in a way it seemed that the "I will never lose you" at the end was true for both storylines- a really perfect way to finish this off :)

-Bethany

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