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Review:pennyardelle says:
So there are two things I should say before I start this review.

a) James/Lily are my OTP.
b) I love Moulin Rouge SO MUCH.

I'm thrilled that you requested a review from me! I suppose I might have worried you by saying I didn't like AU stories, but that's not always true--I like the type of AU you've written here, where you take familiar characters and just transplant them into a different world. Especially when said characters are James and Lily (and I do have a soft spot for Alice and Frank, too)!

The first thing that struck me as I was reading this prologue was that your descriptive language was great. I like that you brought in more than just the visual when you were describing that scene, like with the clinking of coins and the watch snapping shut. It makes the description so much more vivid.

Whoever this main character you've introduced us to is (I suspect maybe James?), I thought you did a great job at introducing compelling pieces of information about him. It's interesting that he's of high social standing, and worried about his reputation...but meanwhile, he's dealing with thugs and hiding gambling problems.

I also thought this was a great line: "He'd solved one problem by causing another."

Tiny little things:

"least Snape sense his fear." - I think you meant "lest" at the start.

"'I'll be on my way then,' he smiled nervously at the taller man" - Here, it would have seemed more natural to me to end the dialogue with a period/full-stop, and then have the next part of the sentence stand on its own. What you have functioning as a dialogue tag here is really more of a description of the action following it.

I think you did really well at setting a mood for the story with the descriptions you employed, and I'm intrigued to read the continuation of this character's story. So, in that respect, I think it was a great prologue. When you post a new chapter, I'd definitely be interested to read more!

And now I think I might go listen to "El Tango de Roxanne", since I have Moulin Rouge on my mind... ;)

Author's Response: James and Lily are my OTP, too. Honestly, i'm so pathetic when it comes to them. Someone so much as mentions James Potter and I begin to hyperventilate. It's a serious issue.

I have so many Moulin Rouge feels. I sit there sobbing through the whole thing just because I know how it ends, but I love it so much I can't not watch it.

Fangirl problems. *sigh*

Phew! I was worried that it might not be your cup of tea. I know a lot of people don't enjoy AU stories but I thought I'd take a gamble and request anyway. I'm glad it payed off and that you like it. It's rather different but hopefully I'll do both James and Lily and Moulin Rouge! justice.

Description is an issue for me. I either provide not enough, or too much and often struggle to find the balance. I'm really happy to hear that you liked it and found it lifelike and vivid. It's what I was aiming for, although I wasn't sure if I'd actually gotten there.

Spoilers :P Although James is a good guess, I will neither confirm nor deny anything in regards to this mystery character.

I've gone through and fixed up those errors. Thanks for pointing them out - I'm useless when it comes to editing my own work. :/

I'll re-request when I've posted the next chapter. Thanks so much for the thoughtful review, Penny. It's hugely appreciated and I'm so glad you like it so far!

- Adele :)


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