Wow, now that you've waited long enough for your hair to turn grey, I'm here(;
Flow: I think you did really exceptional with this. When you warned me that there were a few jumps, I was a bit over observing;P But, I think you pulled it off rather well. I think because it was all connecting in a way, that it really did flow nicely!
Dialogue: This did seem rather believable, to me. I love Dumbledore's concern and how he tries to approach it in a gentle way. I think there was plenty of dialogue to explain the teasing, Dumbledore's concern, and Dolores...mask, if you will. I don't know particularly what I liked about it, but it seemed to fit very much to the character speaking, if that makes any sense?
Imagery: While there wasn't a lot, but there was a fair amount, I think it was the perfect amount! A piece like this needs just enough to gives us visuals but not overload us. I think you pulled this off well and really added to this lovely piece.
Characterization: Dolores...gosh, I've never really, really tried to think about her too much, for I hate her as well. But, with a childhood such as that, I can see her turning into that god awful woman she is. Her piers were awful... Dumbledore was pretty spot on; concerned, considerate, compassionate.
This was really well written, no doubt. But, I still feel no pity for Dolores. Does that make me cold-hearted? I don't think so. It's one thing to be bullied, abused and hurt over the years. And sometimes, you have no control over it. But as she grew older, she allowed herself to turn into someone she would hate as a child. She turned down the same bitter path that all those awful people did when they inflicted pain, emotional and/or physical, on her. Now, she's no better than the rest of them, effectively wiping out any pity I may have held for her.
This really didn't feel off to me. I think you did really well, I was pleasantly surprised to read something so unique. Of course its not too icky;P I'm lost as to how you could think this is icky! I think you did a wonderful job!
Thanks for requesting! Oh! And is it sad that I had to look up who Homer Simpson is?:P
Author's Response: Hey Ever! (I love your usernames by the way, so pretty)
Thanks for your comments on the flow of this piece. I really wanted to show young and old Dolores but wasn't sure how to do it, so I tried to keep her characterization in line and that seems to have helped.
I'm really pleased that you found the dialogue believable! I hardly ever write dialogue :S so I get nervous about it.
You are not a sociopath for not pitying Dolores. I certainly don't mean that you should ever pity adult Umbridge. I just feel sorry for her in the first scene, she's this unpopular, sad young lady who just can't get anything right in the eyes of her peers.
And. I can't actually believe you had to look up Homer Simpson! Bless your little cotton socks. You've been missing out!
Thanks so much for the review, it's helped me out. I'm thinking of editing my A/N, as a few people have thought I was loopy for pitying Dumbridge. Oops, now I'm at it!