Hi, it's Molly from the forums, here with your requested review.
Oh my goodness, I am in love with this piece. So, so, so in love with it, it's not even funny.
The prose was gorgeous, the descriptions were absolutely divine, and oh, your characterization of Luna was spot on. I definitely think this style works as you wrote it seamlessly, pulling it off rather effortlessly, if I do say so myself.
Now for the specific things you asked me to touch upon:
Flow - it was very natural and organic. It didn't seem forced and the transitions were really great. It had a very whimsical quality to it. In some ways, it reminded of a poem. Every paragraph, every word, had a purpose and a subtle beauty to it.
Clarity - I understood everything that I read. There were no moments where I was scratching my head and wondering what was going on. Of course, there were moments where I was thinking 'Oh, I want more of this! Give me more happy moments, darn it!', which, of course, is hardly a bad thing. The way you wrote their relationship was very true to canon, I feel.
As for my overall impression, well, you can call me a fan of this. It was absolutely gorgeous. Like I said, I really loved the description, from the passage of their relationship to this lovely bit:
"She was like the wind – not a wild wind, just a gentle breeze that you barely noticed except for its gentle caress against your skin. She spoke in whispers and danced through the treetops, and while she was there she was beauty, tranquility, life. But you couldn’t keep the wind."
The last line in particular struck me. Your description of Luna is probably one of the most accurate ones I've encountered on this website, so hats off to you, dear.
I hope you continue writing in this vein because you very obviously have a knack for it. This was simply superb! Definitely feel free to come back and request more reviews from me.
Author's Response: I don't know how to respond to this. I have no words, really.
Firstly, thank you so much. I've never had a review quite like this one before, and it means so much to have pulled off this style of writing as I've felt recently like I've lost my touch. I am proud of this piece, but to hear someone else's impression of it is another thing entirely, as I'm sure you know.
I don't feel like I'm able to respond to this review coherently, so bear with me. I don't write Luna much at all, because I find her behaviour and manner of speaking is very hard to pin down and portray accurately. Viewing her through Neville's eyes made that easier, and I think allows for a more honest view of the character than what I could pull off just writing about her myself.
As I said before, I am proud of this piece, but knowing that others think highly of it as well makes all the difference. I will certainly experiment with this style more often, and thank you so much - not only for the review but for helping me believe in my writing (excuse the cheesiness.)