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Review:Gryffin_Duck says:
Hi! Duckie here with your requested review. :)

First, I adore this plot. Penelope is such an interesting character and I always wondered what happened to her after graduation and whether she was at the Battle. I never even thought about her dying, since JKR didn't specify her fate, but it makes sense.

The very beginning was my favorite part. Penelope's musings about pennies in a fountain gave great insight to her character. I thought that was a very good way of characterizing her. I do think it would've been nice to know that she was a photographer prior to the battle scene, though. It felt a little abrupt, coming out right before she died.

I spotted a few recurring grammatical errors. You have a few extraneous commas throughout the story. I won't point them all out because that would take a lot of space, but I highly suggest reading your story aloud to yourself and see where the natural pauses are.

Another is that you need a few semicolons. If two thoughts you want to connect with a comma could stand alone as two sentences, you need to use a semicolon rather than a comma to separate them. Here's an example- "I would never show it to Percy, it would probably break his heart, but it was beautiful." The semicolon should be placed where the first comma is, as the first bit could be its own sentence, as could the part following "Percy."

There were a few tense issues in the beginning. Make sure your verbs all match in terms of tense. Example- "I watched my sister as she took a penny from her purse, and drop it into the fountain at Trafalgar Square." "Drop" should be "dropped."

I adored your voice in this! It flowed very nicely and it almost had a ghostly feel to it. It almost felt as if Penny was a ghost, looking on, even before she died. I'm not sure whether that was intentional, but it worked very well! Perfect for a photographer observing.

Overall, very good story! I loved the plot! :)

Author's Response: Aww, thank you, this is a brilliant review! The grammar help is lovely, because i'm pretty rubbish in that area *dies* This was so, so helpful, and It's lovely to know that you liked my story :D Thanks thanks thanks xx

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