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Review:theelderwand says:
Holy shnikees!! WYHO, that's amazing!!! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is harder than writing in rhyme. Brilliant!

This was my favorite:


"It was true that to the eye, Susan wasn't much to see; her frame was unimpressive and her voice was rather meek. She'd always been a bit too small for both her clothes and ears. In fact, when she was young, her mother called her 'Mouse' for years."

As to punctuation, everything looks solid, but I think quotes or maybe italics for : thank goodness for rocks!

But now to the point. Does this story hold up as a story? ABSOLUTELY. "Dealing with the Post war growing pains of the wizarding society," is a good way to describe the picture you've painted here. Change is very hard for any society and with all the prejudice that has has built up in Wizarding Britain over the years, it will take much more than just victory over Voldy to work out the kinks. I thought you brought that across very very well. But there's also that extremely hopeful ending - an apology from a slytherin? Wow. An excellent glimpse of life post Hogwarts.

I also especially liked how you paint Susan - even her family thinks little of her, despite her obvious talents and abilities. Her defense of her house (and herself) was exceptionally well done.

So, the short answer to your question is: Yes.

And the rhyme scheme...Wow, I truly am impressed. Excellent work here!

Eldy

Author's Response: Eldy! Oh boy, here you go again being too kind to me and making me blush. ^.^ Thanks for the rhyming praise - there were definitely some tricky moments as far as making it work. Oddly enough, the bit that you quoted was one of the biggest struggles I had! SO glad it ended up working out, as I was certainly stressing it before! Yay!

Always good to get the all clear on punctuation! Although now that you mention it, I do agree on the 'thank goodness for rocks!' suggestion. Thank you!

Phew! So glad to hear that! I've been really nervous about whether or not the intention of the story came through past the rhymes. I'm really happy you think it does! I think you summed the point of the story up really well, so yay! And I'm glad Susan was likable! Representing my Puffs! ;)

Thank you so much, Eldy, for the wonderful review! It's made me feel a lot better about the story as a whole! ^.^


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