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Review:Calypso says:
Hello, this is CalypsoJenna from the forums with your requested review!

I was intrgued by this when I saw in your Author's Note that it was stream of consciousness. I've never read anything written this way before but I'm glad to say I wasn't disappointed!

The sense I got when I started reading was one of unease and insecurity. The contradiction of the first two sentences made for an interesting beginning and I loved the build up of imagery- it really seemed to reflect Rose's emotions at that time.
"Time floats over me like a mellow, damp cloud of cigarette smoke" was one of my favourite phrases.

I found the passages in italics rather poetically written but very spooky! I liked the sense that they recurred throughout the story, as if invading everything, as it seemed to feel to Rose. It was a very good device.

Her relationship with Scorpius is interesting. She seems to be relying on him a lot in this, although it's sad that he seems to be the only person who has either noticed or cares about her ordeal. He seems like a good guy though, not giving up on her even when she seems to give up on herself.

There were a few places where the sentences seemed a bit disjointed- I noticed it in the first couple of paragraphs. I might think about connecting some of them together to make the flow a little more natural. There was one grammar error I picked up on- you added an "of" in where you said "shattered into a hundred thousand of miniscule pieces."

I found the ending really dramatic. I was genuinely worried about what was going to happen to Rose! I liked that the ending still left questions unanswered- about the nature of the hooded figure and what happened to Rose. I originally thought the hooded figure was a character, but now I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't a personification of Rose's fears and insecurities...

So all in all, well done! I found this really insightful. I loved your use of imagery, and of the italic text.

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for stopping by to review!

You really should look up stream of consciousness - it's a fabulous technique and one that has been around for over a century!

Yes, stream of consciousness often leads to contradictions in general because it's just pure, raw writing. Oh, I love that line - it's one of my favorites too! I'm glad you pointed it out!

They are a bit haunting, aren't they? Even though I wrote it, I look back and wonder where it came from!

You know, I never actually thought of her relationship with Scorpius. Like everything else in this story, it just sort of came naturally.

I understand how you would feel about the disjointedness of the sentences, but that is the nature of stream of consciousness - there are no set rules, and you really don't have to abide by any of the normal writing conventions. I'm sorry that didn't come across. Oh yes, that "of" is intentional. Stream of consciousness is unconventional and experimental, so I can understand any confusion.

You're very perceptive! It's quite possible, according to your own interpretation, that the dark figure IS a manifestation of her fears and insecurities.

Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it!


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