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Review:Lady Asphodel says:
Hey... hm. This is a nice chapter.
You need to work on description and punctuation.

The thing is with the story is... I think your description went about the wrong way...

Do you know what I mean? Like... I believe the many reasons why you're not getting much reviews is the story is... way too snobbish.

And I don't want to sound cruel or anything like that.

Just, when I'm reading this story... It's like I'm picturing your character standing in front of me, saying the same thing that you have written while rolling her eyes, popping bubblegum, and flipping her hair in a flitatious way.

I believe that's what other readers see too. Maybe you weren't trying to go for that aim... but you did. And this is where you want to work on the description. You need to go in depth of your story, to draw more readers. I read your summary, but it seems like I'm reading a fic with no... purpose, no plot. And again, I really don't mean to harsh.

I'm really sorry if this review comes off to be mean. My intention is not to do that. Please don't let this comment discourage you.

I was a bad writer myself. I had so many fanfics and stories with so many errors that it's not even funny. I had to delete them because I want to write them back over since I have improved on my writing. I still need to improve.

Overall, I'm saying take what I said up there into heart. Learn from it. Think to yourself, what is the point of the story? Not everyone wants to read how hot or beautiful someone is.

By writing out your character in a well thought out story, the reader will have to be the judge of the character.

If you don't understand, you can message me on TDA. Do continue your story though. Never let anyone stop you from writing and being creative.


Author's Response: thank you so much for reviewing :) I'm going to try to write a better summary. I want to describe that it isnt just a romance or friendship story there is some other things going on. Thanks again :)

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