Hey, Amanda! I saw your status post about this and I actually read it yesterday. I'd love to say that I was being deep and "collecting my thoughts" for the past 24 hours, but truthfully I didn't find time until now. ;)
Anyway, I thought this was a very complex story to be so short. There are so many different layers of conflict going on, and you manage to give each of them a pretty thorough discussion from Rose's point of view. The way you went about it, though, was really pleasant. There was nothing dry or analytical about the approach. Each conflict is explained in terms of Rose's feeling and reactions to it.
I thought the characterization of Rose as a brilliant, motivated young woman who seems to pine after Scorpius in secret was clever and very believable. The way that she obsesses over him, studies him and takes notes about him added a lot to both her character development and our understanding of him.
Lily came off as a naive, young flower who lives a blessed life. The princess of the Potter family, the one who was born with it all and doesn't even seem to realize how her less popular cousin envies her.
Scorpius's nasty little offhand comment brought back a lot of canon moments and made me wonder exactly where he fits in the continuum. There was Snape, who said the word in a moment of anger to Lily's namesake and spent the rest of his life regretting it. Draco, who used the word frequently and with malice. Then they're Scorpius, who seems to almost use it with a casual indifference, blind to the pain that it causes.
The fact that Lily is willing to overlook it, and wants Rose to help keep their parents in the dark about it, shows one more level of naivete. The fact that Rose still covets Scorpius -- even knowing what he is -- and is jealous of Lily seemingly to the point of secretly hating her sums of Rose's inner conflict perfectly.
This was a really gripping, emotional story. It's not really my style of writing, so I don't think there's much I can suggest in the way of improvements. I enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Hi Dan! It's so kind of you to stop by :)
That's great to hear! I did try to fold a lot of history between Lily, Rose, and Scorpius into a relatively short piece, and I'm glad it didn't come out as a dry recollection or an incomprehensible timeline.
I'm so glad you liked Rose. I really wanted to add a dark edge to that sliver of characterization we got in the epilogue, with Ron basically telling her to be like Hermione. Coming from him, it sounded pretty benign, but I'm happy that you liked the twist here. I see Rose in this piece as a reflection of what Hermione could have become, in a sense (though I don't know that Hermione would ever be so consumed with a boy in this way).
You've got Lily down pat. She really is oblivious to Rose's jealousy because she's used to everyone falling at her feet. In that sense, I think she's a good match for Scorpius, with both of them saying and doing things without really thinking them through. I also think you're right to relate Scorpius's uttering the dreaded M-word to the way it has been used throughout history. That, I'm sure, could make a story of itself, but I'm glad I made you think about it a little bit here.
I feel pity for both Lily and Rose in their adoration of Scorpius. I purposefully made it so that readers would know little about him and still possibly hate him for his influence over both of them. I guess in that sense, both girls are twisted in different ways.
Thanks so much for this lovely review! :)