Hello! Duckie here with your requested review. :)
First, I have to say how intrigued I am by your plot in general. I don't normally read AUs, although I have no aversion to them. I've never seen a plot like this before and I really enjoyed reading your prologue.
I also have to compliment you on your correct use of the semicolon! I so rarely see that used correctly (and its misuse so often coincides with the comma splice, another pet peeve of mine). I got very excited when I saw that you did in fact use it right. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic...
I only spotted two very slight grammatical errors. The first is in this sentence- "He'd be hidden better in the buildings shadows than he would on the main road behind him." You're missing an apostrophe on "buildings." The second is in this sentence- "He needed to money, regardless of how it was earned." If I'm interpreting the quote right, you don't need the "to" between "needed" and "money." Again, very nit picky things, but I thought I'd point them out.
Your description was very good! I found it very easy to imagine exactly what was happening as I read. I think you had just the right amount of description, because it didn't bog down the plot. You had just enough to give the reader what they need.
I'll be interested to see a bit more characterization in the later chapters. There seemed to be a lot of mystery around the main character, and I could tell that was done on purpose, but I feel there needs to be more characterization on him in the next few chapters. I did really like how you kept his identity a secret throughout this chapter. It really hooks the reader! I know I want to know who he is.
I think you have a wonderful, unique plot on your hands and this prologue is certainly compelling! I think you gave just enough information to grab the reader's attention and keep them wanting more. Feel free to re-request when you update! :)
Author's Response: Ah, this has taken me too long to respond to. I'm so sorry. I've had the craziest few months, and I totally forgot I had unanswered reviews. :( I didn't mean to be rude.
Ohhh, good. Haha, AU's are some of my favourites (when written well), as they can really give you so much more room to explore the characters then the traditional setting can. This story, for example, is completely without magic, which means I really have to think through how everything is going to fit together, etc. But it's fun to write and hopefully it'll be fun to read as well. :)
I did fix those up. Thank you for pointing those out. I'm terrible with apostrophes. They're my biggest weakness, as they always move around and I forget where they go for what tense, etc. D:
Oh, our mystery man isn't our main character. He's just setting the scene for us for later down the track. The next chapter (when I find a spare moment to write it) starts to introduce the characters with a lot more characterisation, and setting, etc. :)
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and again, I'm so, so sorry it took me so long to reply. I'll be sure to re-request!
- A. :)