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Review:Akussa says:
Hi! This story caught my attention with it's really good summary and I am happy I read it! It's a good, feel good little story and I enjoyed it. Teddy's anger is understandable considering most older siblings go through that phase when a new baby is coming and I think you brought it out nicely. You could have explored it a bit more but it was still nice.

There are two things that bothered me though and honestly, it's a chance that this story was pretty short because I would have stopped reading at some point, had it been longer. Not because the story in itself wasn't good or interesting, but because the format and the numerous spelling and typing errors were distracting me constantly from the action.

First, the format. You should add spaces between the lines of dialogue, not have everything crammed together. It would give more air to this story as well as a nicer rythm. For some reason, when a story is all crammed together like this, I read everything very fast and don't stop to breathe between the lines but when there is space, it's a reminder for my brain that it is time to take a breath!

As for the spelling, well, I started taking out everything I saw at first but at some point, I stopped because it was getting ridiculous. It seems that by the middle of the story, you wanted to type so fast that you forgot to check how you were writting (that happens to me as well, I get that!). I would suggest you go back on this story and carefully pick out the errors (for example, from the middle to the end of this story, you stop spelling "Weasley" correctly and always write "Weasly"; this is pure innatention because you wrote it correctly in the beginning) or, if you think you can't do it because its much harder to see our mistakes, get a beta from the forum to help you. Here are some other things I think you should correct:

"...welcome with the Weasley's..."; twice in two sentences you write this and both times, there is no need for the apostrophe at the end of "Weasley".

"...Repeated a smaller voice, that of Albus Potter’s..."; another not necessary apostrophe (and the 's' either)

"...Uncle Ron says that he’ll help us,’ he called up form the..."; two things : 1) you close your dialogue with a single (') when you opened it with a double ("). Second, there is a typo here; it should be 'from' and not 'form'

"...“Stop you’re big."; either write 'you're being a...' or 'your big...'

"...“You look Parfait, mon chere,”..."; this is a simple correction of your French considering that, well, I am French! The way you write 'chere' right now is the feminin way of spelling it (when talkind to or about a girl) for a boy, like in your case, it should be spelled 'cher'

I hope this review did not disapoint you too much. I enjoyed your story but got a bit distracted with everything else that was going on. These are simple things to correct and would improve your story a lot. My goal is really just to help you improve because you have real talent here for creating stories.

Good luck to you, it was a good read!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review!

And also, thanks for being so honest! It's really helpful of you to review, I just want to improve and learn. This'll really help my writing, thanks for putting in some valuable comments that I can work on!

Thank you very much!! :)


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