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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here again!

I like this chapter a lot. :) There's a lot of action, the plot takes an interesting twist and you reveal some intriguing character details about Draco.

My favorite section is Draco's meeting with Blaise Zabini. Finding out that he works for the Department of Mysteries and that Zabini is his new boss provided an excellent twist to the story. Your description of his feelings -- "Draco's pride had just been tossed off the edge of the Hogwart's Astronomy Tower." -- is very well done.

I also like your characterization of him. Zabini points out that he came up with creative ways to kill off Hermione, and yet he's horrified when he's told that she's been killed for real. I also like that you've made Draco and Blaise enemies instead of friends. This creates a very interesting dynamic between them.

One minor editorial thing I want to point out is that Witch Weekly and Daily Prophet should be italicized, since they are titles.

Another minor thing I noticed: during Harry and Hermione's discussion of who is being targeted, Harry says, "but why not attack civilians?" I wonder if the "not" should be removed, because it seems like he's trying to argue that they are after him, and not Hermione.

I think the descriptions of the different curses during this attack are pretty cool. The "grimy yellow curse" really amused me (in a good way) for some reason, the "murky orange curse" too. :)

I was confused by this paragraph, because I couldn't find anywhere earlier in the chapter where these three people had been mentioned:

"What do we do, Auror Potter?" asked a man wearing a St. Mungo's uniform as he approached Harry, with three adults behind him. They were the same three people who had been in charge of the sudden crowd control.

I wonder if something got deleted?

Anyway, the healer in this scene (who sneers at Hermione for not recognizing the blood replenishing potion) is a total jerk! I have met some jerky doctors and nurses before, but I think most would be much more empathetic in this situation. In other words, if this character were to appear again then I would expect him to either apologize for being such a jerk, or to continue to be a jerk to everyone. :)

I really like how Harry has the idea to use Rita Skeeter and the press for protection. Now I wonder what he had to do to get their story out so quickly. Did he promise her an exclusive tell-all about his and Ginny's upcoming wedding? Tee-hee!

Keep up the good writing! If you think my reviews are helpful then please re-request. I'm happy to continue reading & reviewing as long it's helpful. :)

Author's Response: Wow that chapter was an editing smorgasborg (whatever that means). I think I changed things so much from the original that I lost a bit of flow. Anyway, I did have a line about the three controlling the crowd. I'm going to go back and fix that. Actually, the healer was insulting Harry's knowledge, not Hermione's. I'll have to make sure that's clear, too, or delete it altogether. He does care about Hermione, but he does not care for Harry. Harry just killed five hit wizards in seconds, and I think the healer was a bit spooked by that. I always imagined healers and fighters as being a bit of polar opposites, you know?

Rita Skeeter will be coming back in future chapters. I keep forgetting about her, but she does play an important role in part of the story.

Thank you so much for your review! I will go back and edit those things you pointed out. Your reviews were very helpful!

Aether


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