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Review:Serendipitous_love says:
Okay, let me begin with the first paragraph. Many say it is the first sentence that draws a reader in. Personally, I think it is the first paragraph. Which I love. There are a couple of mistakes but they’re only minor. The paragraph is short and sweet and for a romance lover like myself, it is perfect. Since it goes on in the next with more explanation, brilliant.

The explanation of the double Fred problem was done perfectly. When next gen is written, I always expect one to absolutely loathe the rest of the Weasleys for some reason e.g. they love their sibling more or they’re not as perfect as them. None actually have done Fred, which has so much promise. The thing I really like is his portrayal and how he still does love the family which I think is right- I mean, who wouldn’t love the kind Weasleys? C’mon!

Whilst not much happens, so much comes through! I really like that about this piece. Although it may be worth adding some description of past visits and his thoughts on her since this crush has a bit of suddenness about it, I think it is perfect. It’s full of promise and thoughts, letting us think about what might happen. It’s only a sort-of happy ending too, just the right sort for a piece like this!

Your descriptions are amazing. I loved ‘under layers of cold stares and cracking knuckles’ and some more. You really have a way with words that pull people in. I loved it. Overall it works well and I have no idea why you worry about your Fred- you went with it, it worked well in a whole different way. Oh, I forgot to mention- the idea of romance one shots for all is amazing.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly!

I can see what you mean by errors in the first paragraph - I submitted this in a hurry and I really must edit! I'm happy you liked the start, I agree with what you say about about the start of the story being important, and I hope I managed to get it right here!

I'm so happy i got the "Two Freds" thing right, and his relationship with the family. I didn't think i was hitting home there, but it must have been ok if you picked up on it!

Finally, I'll have to iron out the Anna thing - the crush is supposed to be sudden, but I want the reader to get a sense of why it happened - I'll definately keep what you said in mind when editing!

Thanks again!
B


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