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Review:Serendipitous_love says:
The first paragraph is full of short sentences. All being either slow actions or thoughts(for want of a better word) or quick actions that seem to need to be rushed, helped on by the short sentences. The thoughts, like they say I will be okay. It can be sort of confusing. I love the first sentence and if it were just all action for a start then that would be brilliant. I hope Im making sense.

The sudden change of scenery is a bit... confusing aswell. I mean, after a few sentences we can understand. Yet, nothing is made clear. All in all, I do think this could honestly do with a go through. Its good, you have a great idea and Im not trying to say different but there is a lot left hanging- what happened before? Who? Why? Even simple stuff like what the weather is like give it a good basis, even for a small one-shot.

I do like your Scorpius. From the small amount he says and does I can comprehend how much has changed that he is now friends with Weasleys and such. It shows a comprehension and so well done. Your vocabulary is good. Very smart! However, it might do to simplify in some places. Just so as not to over explain or work. In other places, like when she describes herself, it works so well. It gives us a deep understanding not many can do! Your italic sentences are great too. Could be lyrics! To me theyre like luring words from this hooded figure and I liked that fresh imagery!

I hope this review helps! You did do an amazing piece, well done.

Author's Response: I understand your confusion with the first paragraph. However, this is a stream of consciousness story, so technically, anything can or cannot make sense - it's all in the actual technique. It's meant to be that way.

Like I said, this is stream of consciousness and so, you're really not supposed to know. It's all about what's on the page for you to interpret. I'm an advocate of the notion that readers shouldn't have everything handed to them on a silver platter - they should have to interpret things for themselves and make their own conclusions about the text (like in literature class and what JKR did).

I'm glad you liked my Scorpius. Yes, my vocabulary is elevated, but again, I'm not a fan of simplification so that the reader can have everything they need to understand for the story. It's about art for art's sake - the beauty of the piece, the metaphors, the multiple interpretations, the similes, the willingness of a reader to look beyond the words and see the meaning.

Thank you for your review. I appreciate your time and response.


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