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Review:EverDiggory says:
Here with your review!

Plot: this is really interesting to me. Because I'm an honors student, I didn't have to read Hamlet, so I'm really blind as to what's going to happen. I was never a fan of Shakespeare, but I was willing to give this a shot. There's plenty of mystery that makes me very eager as to what's going to happen.

Imagery: the second paragraph and the eigth paragraph are wonderfully detailed I was thrilled! But, unfortunately, the rest was barren! Tis drives me up a wall mainly because when you put the imagery in, your writing is beautiful! One method I do, because I assume you struggle with imagery, is write the chapter as you normally would, then set aside a half an hour or so to go back through and add it! Imagery is really important!

Grammar/Spelling: Alright, I have a few things to say about this. First, there were quite a few errors. Between the spelling and incorrect use of punctuation, I felt the need to go through and fix all of it! I would definitely, definitely strongly recommend a beta. I will try and help with the punctuation!

“I'll go fetch him. I'll be as quick as possiable.” He told Dobby before hurrying off to Malfoy. D. Jr's room.

In the above sentence that period should actually be a comma. Also, possible is spelled incorrectly. Here's another example of a sentence in which the period should be a comma.

I've never been more sure of anything, I've been stood here for about five minutes and it hasn't moved. It's just been saying help me but does it not remind you of someone because I think it does.” explained Dobby as he turned around and faced the creature again

Do you see the similarities there? It should only be a period if it's a sentence such as this:

“Help me, help me.”

If I don't make any sense, please, please Pm and I'll try and help. Also, the whole Malfoy L. Sr. Thing got a little confusing. Maybe that's how it was in Hamlet and I'm missing that, but it just got a little bit obnoxious.

Flow: this was pretty good! Even with the page break! I was actually wondering, and I'm nitpicking, if you could actually have skipped it though. You had enough transitioning sentences and you wrote it in third person, so I do think you could take it out if you wanted to.

Dialogue: the dialogue was very blunt and too the point. But, but! I really do think it fit well with the situation, so good job with that!

Thanks for requesting!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the great review! :)
Yeah I do struggle with Imagery so thanks for the tip, I'll try it!
Thanks for the other CC as well, I'm just getting out of the habit of putting periods all the time.
Thanks again for reviewing! :)


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