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Review:Cassie Whitmann says:
You asked me simply if your first chapter was good enough to pull the reader's attention in without reading the previous story, and the answer is yes!

I personally, have not read the other story, but I definitely plan to continue reading this piece as it seems it will be really interesting.

Other than that, I did see one spot I believe there to be a mistake in: 'will expected to liaise'
I believe it should say 'will be expected to liaise', otherwise it doesn't really make sense.

You've got the perfect balance of fresh material and familiar material to drag an 'outside' reader in, with the appearance of a couple familiar faces and obviously, your own storyline.

Really great job, the way you've written this, I can see a reader who's read the last one not being bored with it, you've hinted at descriptions and hobbies etc. in a fashion that makes it informative to new readers and a refreshing pick up for old ones.

Maybe some more setting description would be nice. Just something to give us a sense of the space they are in, other than 'the headmaster's office' and 'the open concept flat', things that aren't so vague and may give a little more to the overall feel of things, colours, lighting things like that definitely add a tone, whether expected or not. I think adding just a couple of these things might bring more to this chapter.

Brilliant job! I'm off to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you :-)

Spot on with the error - amazing how those things can creep through even after a dozen proof-reads! I think I was trying to make my mind up between "will be" and "are" and went for the grammatically inept compromise...

A couple of people have commented that I can be a bit sketchy on my descriptions of settings and surroundings, so I'll certainly target that a little more closely in the later chapters (writing #12 at the moment). I think I get distracted by the dialogue & emotions [/excuses].

Thanks again - and hope you find the time to look at the rest. Do feel free to drop another review!


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