Well. Wow. This just...blew me away. In all honesty, I don't believe I have ever been so utterly and entirely consumed by a piece of writing as I was with this. You asked for reader reaction? That was it. It was just so captivating. I'm pretty tired right now, and had to re-read the first bit because I realised I wasn't paying enough attention - I read one line as 'Time floats over me like a marshmallow', thinking, that's an odd simile - but once I got to the second paragraph I definitely woke up, and by the end my nose was almost touching the screen(terrible on the eyes!)
It flows amazingly well, save for the first paragraph. It's a little hard to understand when it's right at the beginning of the story, although as I read on it made more sense. It did, however, give me an introduction into Rose's head and how detached she seemed to be from any form of reality. Especially when she makes comments like, 'My feet lead me to the Astronomy tower,' from which we would deduce that she has no control over anything anymore, and she is surprised she can even manage to breathe. From the very beginning it was obvious that something awful had happened to her, to make her head so muddled and distant.
Imagery & Emotion - These two are together, because I feel a lot of the imagery was mixed with the emotions, and both were done exceptionally well. You used so much description, with similes, metaphors and a very wide and varied vocabulary. For a piece as with as much angst and mystery as this one, that's exactly what it needed to bring it from great, to beyond transcendent. We see so much of Rose's pain, no, we feel so much of Rose's pain.
The ending was fabulously mysterious. It's difficult to tell what is reality anymore, and what is Rose's version. I loved that she stopped being able to breathe near the end - I'm not sure if it was intentional - but at the beginning she comments that she is shocked to be able to do so. The reader is left with so much to think about even once they've finished reading, since the ending itself gives few answers, or indeed, if gives variations. It's not closure, but at the same time, it is. So much is left up to the reader to decide, and I think it's amazing that you managed to create that effect, you truly have an exceptionally unique style and I am so envious! The intensity of this story was just...just...wow.
For the first time ever - if it's cool with you - I'm going to show this to my mum, so the next time she comments - as mums do - 'But you're amazing at writing, Emily', I can shove this in her face and tell her that this is the sort of inspirational and moving writing ability that I'm aiming for. :')
I barely think I managed to criticize this, I tried my best, but it was just so fabulous. I loved the 'Come, sugar, come' lyric-things, I think they added something different to the story, and made me wonder what they were - were they voices in her head? - again, up to the reader's interpretations ;)
This was my favourite line, Aimless and roaming, a lone gypsy amongst the throngs of human teeth and toes and life.
I'm not sure why, it was just brilliant.
- Em (P.S, this is the longest review I've ever written, be proud :P )
Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :)
I am honestly astounded by your review and don't know if my response will be adequate enough, but I will try my best!
Consumed and captivated by a piece of writing? Oh wow, that is such a wonderful compliment! It warms my heart that my writing elicited such a reaction! I do love my odd similes - I think they really bring a writer into the story, you know?
I understand how confusing that first paragraph can be, but it is stream of consciousness - and when it's SoC, you never really know what's going to hit you! I'm glad the flow worked for you - a few of my reviewers have said that they don't like it, so that it worked for you makes me feel like maybe I did my job well! ;) You've picked up on so many things (such a perceptive reader) and I really appreciate it!
Yes, you've hit the nail on the head with that one! I love to mix imagery and emotion. I think it's a very powerful way to convey what I want without really overloading the reader, you know? Gosh, I'm just so over the moon! Another reviewer actually mentioned that my vocabulary is too varied and that I should simplify it :( So thank you so much - it makes me feel good about my writing!
Oh. My. Goodness. I don't even know what to say! I would be perfectly fine with you showing someone else - but that you aspire to my moving writing? Oh wow, that's one of the best compliments I've ever received!