Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Jchrissy says:
Oh my goodness darling you really have surprised me!! And I have to say, I usually know what's coming at least a little bit.

So - the first chapter about the brothers was very well received because it was different. You're worried about disappointing people who thought you would be continuing with that? I wouldn't. Yes, it was a new and different story and beautifully written, but this is still just as different! And it's easier to relate to. I was honestly so pleasantly surprised with your use of creativity in this. I know that the previous chapter was obviously written by you, but the idea that it was written by Val and we were reading the writing within your writing, it's just all very cool.

So - Scorpius has a twin who doesn't posses magic. I'm curious as to how common that is with a pureblood family? Anyway, he seems to take it very well. I loved that it was also a cleaver way to introduce some muggle things into the manor. Val's excitement at using the laptop was absolutely wonderful!

I want to make sure I'm following things correctly:

I can't figure out if Lysander and Val are dating? Or if it's her brother? But I'm sure I'll learn soon enough. And she's best friends with Alphard, but also friends with Scorpius, and living in the manor because her family has left the country. And Jenny! Well, she's still a mystery, but she's supposed to be (right?) haha.

Astoria's cooking, Alphard is not going into work (he's a medical researcher?) he wants to take walks.. and all this is very different than the norm. So far we don't have any indications that Val has any kind of feelings other than platonic for her best friend, so I don't think he's about to swear his undying love. Hmm...

I really love what you've done with Alphard CC'ing Val's, because your CCing your own work, and again the entire idea of it is just so neat. I don't think shifting to this cast was confusing in the slightest, you made it clear right away what was going on and it was very easy to follow. I honestly think that this time frame, with the P brothers in the background as Val's novel, will hold more attention and is just such a different concept.

I like what I see of your characters so far, but I'm going to wait a bit more until I really have a feel for them to comment. It did seem like Alphard doesn't hold resentment to his draw of cards when it comes to magic, which is nice because it would be very easy to feel that way.

Your descriptions changed from the last chapter, but in a necessary way to kind of break off from that old time sense of poetic writing. I think you did a great job giving us the scene but still letting your characters take the lead. I also giggled at the idea of Astoria's apron ;)!!

All in all, this was a very strong and intriguing chapter. One of the best things about it is you've given Val the mind of a writer. Her attention to detail and her thoughts around it does more for her character than any kind of narration about her could, because it shows us that she really is a writer.

This was a wonderful chapter, I'm really excited with where you've taken this and I can't wait to continue!!

Jami

Author's Response: Ah, Jami, this review is massive and I just cannot thank you enough for it!

First of all... -sighs in relief- I really was worried that this chapter would be consider anti-climatic, with the story about the Peverell brothers only being a figment of a fictional character's imagination and all. So you have no idea how good it is to know that I can stop worrying about that now.

As for Alphard's magical status, there's a lot more to come about it. How common is having a squib in a family of Purebloods? It's something we'll come upon later on in the story and will be symbollic in a way... Or so I have planned anyway.

Actually, Valeria is Luna's daughter, so she's Lysander's sister. But you're following up on everything else perfectly! As for the fog around Jenny, it will start disappearing soon enough, I think. I'm trying in this story to allow the readers some space to make their own conjectures and make connections between what happens inside Valeria's head and what happens out of it. Hopefully, I'll manage to not make it confusing.

I'm glad you think that the various aspects of the chapter worked well together and made this chapter intriguing. You have no idea how that, especially coming from you, means to me!

Thank you so, so much for this wonderfully thorough and helpful review!

-Manno


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 145
Submit Report: