|Review:||Cassie Whitmann says:|
This is quite a powerful piece when the full meaning is taken in. I must admit though, there are parts which, without the warnings at the start (ie. sexual nature, sensitive topic etc.) I would have been left in a little confusion, unsure if what I was thinking was what was meant or not.
You asked mostly for reader reaction and such, so that's what I plan to focus on here.
What I said above is a big contributing factor, I think. There's two ways I really look at this, one is from a readers standpoint and another is from shall we say an 'artist's' standpoint.
From the reader's standpoint:
The descriptions and actions are really quite vague, we don't really know what's going on, past or present. Everything in kind of in snippets and the picture really doesn't come completely to light until the very end of the story. The reader is forced to think deeper into the story, past just surface reading to gain the full effects of the story, which I think is true to most good pieces of writing.
From the 'artist's' point of view:
Very deep and powerful. The passages of what essentially becomes a very powerful poem are very striking and their distribution throughout the story is brilliant. The emotions that your characters are displaying are enforced by that poem so much and it really helps bring them out even more.
The way you write like the character would (I imagine) be experiencing, kind of gliding through everyday life really reflects the characters emotions and their feeling of worth.
Overall, I think what you have here is great. I do think it could be improved with a little more description here or there, but I feel like that's what you were going for- part of the gliding through everyday life, what the character is actually experiencing as opposed to what is physically going on around them.
I think a little more prodding in the direction you intended for this story to go would probably be helpful. I really think what you have here is great though.
Reader Reaction: wow, once overall picture has sunk in.
Emotions: bang on.
Imagery: Slight improvement could be used, overall though fairly good.
Descriptions: Also, I think certain things could use a little more description, but overall, well done.
I Hope this was helpful to you! And I really think you do have a wonderful piece, which many of the readers here would/ will enjoy! :)
Keep it up!
Author's Response: Yeah, it is a pretty loaded topic, isn't it? You see, you said you were unsure if what you were thinking was actually meant - that's the beauty of most of my pieces, especially this one - it's all up to you as the reader to define what the story means to you. :)
I sort of like that it's vague, you know? Like you said, it makes the reader think deeper into the story. It gives the reader a chance to exercise his/her awesome brainpower and really dig into /any/ piece!
I like that you've gauged this from a reader/artist standpoint, so thank you for that! Wow, like a powerful poem? Oh, what a wonderful compliment, thank you!
I understand what you mean about a little more descriptions here and there - I guess it's just that I don't want to take away from what you mentioned about the character "gliding" through everyday life. This event is supposed to have negated everything she has known up to this point about everyday life and the world around her, does that make sense?
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I really appreciate it! :)