Hi, lia. I'm here with my review for the TGS swap!
This is actually the second story I've come across from the Convert a Classic challenge. I'm rather jealous, truth be told. I started a story for that challenge but didn't get it finished in time to post. Anyway, Sense and Sensibility is a wonderful novel, though I can see how it might be a challenge to work with. But so far, you seem to be off to a great start!
The first thing that really hits you with this chapter is the atmosphere you've created, both inside the Manor and out. The darkness, the ice, the encroaching vines. It all sets such a fantastic mood, not to mention a sense of foreboding, which you follow up with nicely through the Dark Mark in the newspaper and the whispers between Lucius and his brother about poor Benjy Fenwick.
The family drama/dynamic also really stands out in this chapter. I think you've hit the nail on the head here as far as drawing parallels between this story and pretty much all the stories written by Austin. It's just as much about the contrast and interplay between the family members as it is about how the family as a whole deals with the outside world.
The only CC I'd offer (if you're interested) is in regards to a few mechanical/technical issues. There were a few slips into present tense, when the rest of the story is in past tense. Also, you may want to be careful with the punctuation leading in and out of dialogue. Just a few examples:
- "You sound a bit too cheerful about your prospects, Livia," Lucius sat across from them in an armchair, tugging at his collar.
- "Yes, well you could remind me about that when you actually have a wife." She bit back.
In the first sentence you really want a period after Livia, or else to add in something like "...Livia," Lucius said, sitting across from them in the armchair... The opposite is true for the second example, which should probably be "...wife," she bit back. The biting back is how she responded and needs a comma. The sitting in the chair is just what he was doing while talking so you need something like the word said (or exclaimed, replied, retorted, etc.), or else just use a period.
I definitely plan to read and review more, but an overall great start to the story. Can't wait to see how you weave in a bit more S&S.
Author's Response: Hi Becky,
I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond to this! I've been really busy with the awards and life in general.
This isn't the easiest thing I've done - at all. But I did have fun trying to figure out these characters and trying to draw parallels for some of the scenes. Hopefully I'll get some more if it written :)
Yes, I've gotten a lot of comments about that and all of you are absolutely right. I wanted to make the first chapter an introduction of sorts into the dire times they were in. Granted, it's a bit late for things to be getting off the ground, I have four years to put things into the same guise as Canon. But then again, this is what fanfic is all about.
I loved writing family dynamic in this fic. I loved getting into the minds of these characters. I haven't seen much written about Lucius and his family. Most people write about his father, but not about his mother or even if he had other siblings here. Abraxas might be dead, but his presence is still felt. The Black family might be a bit more interesting as well, but that has yet to be decided. Considering they are in this setting, they are sheltered from the outside world, but at the end of the chapter we see that things will change - most definitely.
Sure. Yes, those are always a problem, my betas all tell me that too, so I have to try harder to get it right.
Thank you so much for reviewing, and I'm really sorry I took so long to answer.