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Review:WeasleyTwins says:
Hi dear! I'm here with your review since you responded to my status!

I'd like to start off my saying I just love, love, love your opening and closing paragraphs. I thought they were spectacular. There was just something about them that seemed really natural - your natural style and voice seemed to shine through.

On the note of style and voice, I do have a critique. Everything else seemed forced, darling, to be blunt. I don't know what you normally write, but those opening and closing paragraphs have a touch of romance and that seemed to be where you were most comfortable as a writer. Not to say that everything in-between was bad, but I felt like I was being robbed of what you had accomplished in the aforementioned paragraphs. I learned several months ago that short story authors often miss the mark (even more so in fanfiction) because they're not telling the meat, the /real/ story. I see this somewhat in your story because, it seems, that you're not giving me description. You're giving me emotional outpouring, which is fabulous, but I didn't feel connected to the scene - this is why I say it felt forced - lovers of Harry Potter know the story of Harry's last battle with Voldemort inside and out, but not from the perspective of Ginny. I was hoping that you would regale me with Ginny's version of the setting, the mood, her feelings (which you accomplished splendidly), with all those things we want to hear from a woman so deeply in love.

I hope I wasn't too harsh in my assessment, my dear. Your story has so much merit, so much potential - I see great potential in you as a writer. It's those two paragraphs, particularly the last one. You have me a bit of a setting description, but you gave me emotion, and let me tell you, that's what the reader wants. They want to feel so inexplicably connected with a story that they can't bear to tear themselves away. Overall, I did think it was good (and great song choice - it went very nicely with Ginny's emotions).

Please feel free to PM me to rant about my being mean (I hope not!) or if you have questions or need help!

Shelby

Author's Response: Hello! Don't worry about it being harsh, you were kind enough to take some time to leave me a review and that's what matters. ^^

I see what you mean with description...it's a weakness that I've been attempting to overcome for ages. I thought if I focused only on emotion, description wouldn't matter. But I see that was a mistake on my part.

I'm glad you thought this story had potential, though. :)

Again, thank you so much for the review and your time. :)

~Rosie


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