Hi there, it's Ali here with your review!
May I just say: wow. Really, what a powerful story.
I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive at first because I've read many authors that have attempted this kind of delicate topic and failed to accomplish it. However, you really did a great job. I applaud you for your use of that phrase "Come, Sugar, come..." Wherever did you come up with it?
I really felt for Rose and what she was going through. I connected to her in a way that, although I have not the slightest inkling of what she was going through, I could still feel her pain, which is very difficult to write. You did it in such a way, as well, that made the situation that Rose was in one that a reader wants to reach out to rather than shrink away from. Well done!
The way you describe clearly shows how in pain Rose is and how she feels broken. She feels as if no one can help her. You managed to let me know what was going on and what happened to Rose without directly saying it. If you had came out and said it I think it might have ruined some of the powerful nature of this piece.
I could certainly picture Rose's surroundings, especially on the Astronomy Tower- your description of the stars was fanastic. It felt a bit like you were describing Vincent van Gogh's painting 'Starry Night.' I would have liked a bit more description of the other settings, such as the Great Hall and the common room. Not as detailed as on the tower, but perhaps the normality of the other students in comparison to Rose.
I liked how the 'figure' and doer of wrong to Rose remained unamed. I feel like he represents all the other people like him in the world.
I wonder, though, why Scorpius stepped aside. Why did he allow the man to even go near Rose? Even though Rose wanted Scorpius to step aside, why didn't he immediately stop the man from touching Rose?
I'd like to clear up one thing about the end: it was just symbolizing that Rose's spirit was crushed on that she had given up hope, right? She didn't actually die? Perhaps it's just me over-thinking things again.
I did like the feeling of slow moition in the last few paragraphs. I could literally picture the slow motion scene in my head as I read it.
Superb one-shot. I really enjoyed reading it!
classicblack from the forums
Author's Response: Hello Ali! Thank you so much for stopping by! :)
Powerful? Oh wow, what a wonderful compliment!
I totally understand your apprehension. It's a sensitive topic in general because it's so taboo to discuss it in our society today. I wanted to analyze the issue, in a way, without being vulgar (which is against ToS anyway) and treating the topic with respect. I'm really glad you liked my "come, Sugar, come" parts. Honestly, I have no idea where that came from. I just started writing and my writer's intuition told me to take it up a notch and give the story something more, something innovative and so, there you have it! :D
I like that you mention I "made the situation That was in one that a reader wants to reach out to rather than shrink away from." I think that's exactly what I wanted to accomplish, in a sense. I didn't want the descriptions and such to be so utterly painful for not only Rose, but the reader - I wanted it to be accessible and understandable, even though it's not necessarily a universally understood topic.
Thank you for pointing that out for me. I did consider a bit more description with the Great Hall and that, but didn't know if I should approach it or just leave it be. I will definitely look over that and see what I can tweak a bit.
Oh yes, I'm glad you recognized the unnamed figure as more of a metaphor rather than an actual person.
You know, I honestly can't answer that question definitively. In a sense, it was always Rose's battle to fight and no matter how much Scorpius wanted to help, literally, emotionally, and metaphorically, it just wasn't in the cards, you know? It's not an issue that you can have what I call an "understanding partner" - no is truly going to recognize and sympathize with your situation - and an extension of that is that they /can't/ help.
You know, that bit at the end is really up to you. It can go either way - it's up to the interpretation of the reader. I'd like to think both yes and no. As a writer, I'm all about the subtle and mysterious and whatnot :) I used a lot of metaphor - the piece as a metaphor itself, the figure as metaphorical - so really, it's all up to you as reader.
I really do hope you liked my oneshot! I really appreciate all of your wonderful feedback! Thank you so much for the great review! :)