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Review:WeasleyTwins says:
Hello my dear! I really wanted to stop by and review something of yours since I haven't in ages (could that possibly be years?). Anyway, I saw this little beauty in the new story thread over at the forums and just had to have a peek!

I know you said that you wanted to hear reactions to this new stylistic device you've got going on - I love it. It's innovative and postmodern. It's a great way to get theme(s) across in such a short piece without loading readers down with purple prose and other nonsense. If someone reviews this and says those words and definitions are bad, ignore them. Seriously, unless JKR herself reviews this and says it's bad, keep it. Perhaps utilize it again in a different story. I say this because it's lovely - it gives gravity and meaning to your story - it's also a way for you to experiment with your writing.

I do have one small critique. Under the section titled 'pride,' I'd really have liked to have seen more scene description and emotional description. It's the pivotal point in the story. I felt that as I reached the middle and the end of that section, you were robbing me of your beautiful prose and descriptions. I wanted more. I wanted you to /really/ bring it to life - to make me feel as Severus felt.

Now, don't get me wrong, the rest of the story is fantastic. The descriptions are to die for, the characterization of Severus (Lily, too) is mind-blowingly perfect. "Maybe letters will fall from the sky" - I just melted like a bar of chocolate in the Georgia heat with that bit of writing. Good. Gracious. Alive. Absolutely and completely beautiful.

Overall, I thought this was wonderful, darling! :)

Shelby

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