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Review:BoOkWoRm24 says:
Hi here with your requested review

Sorry for the obcenely long turn over time, I went away for a week and then I got pnuemonia, so my reviews have just been getting pushed back and back and back. But I'm here now right?

So again I thought this was aa very good chapter. I really love Hufflepuff's narration I think of all things, its the narration that really brings out the best characterization in this story. It definitely seems of the past and I can clearly see the personality coming out. But then I think I've already told you this.

Again I think you've still got your characters down. Everyone seems extremely realistic, and I liked meetting Godric's wife in this chapter. I think its different by the way that you've already given him a happy family, and I think I love the fact that you've written it that way.

There was one aspect that I think you could work on though. This chapter felt like a lot of dialouge, and I thought that was fine. I wish that you would add some more narration between the dialoug though. For instance when Helga was talking to Elaine you had the dialouge but then in between each statement you had a bit of Helga's thoughts or a snippet of what was happening around her. That part was excellent. I think if you could extend what you did there it would improve this chapter a lot. Not only would your paragraphs look a bit meatier instead of just having one line then an enter and then another line, but when you add things like that it makes your writing seem much more mature. You don't have this issue throughout the chapter. You seem to go in and out of it. But yeah I thought I'd point it out

Anywho overall this was another excellent chapter. So keep up the good work

-BW

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the awesome review! And I'm sorry you've been sick, but I hope you're feeling better now :)

Hey, don't worry about telling me things twice...I love to hear it! I'm trying to show the characters' personalities through Helga's eyes, and also to make her narrative seem firmly planted in that era. I'm glad it seemes to be working that way!

I've seen a lot of Founders fics that focus on Godric romance, and I thought giving him an established wife and family might be an interesting twist. And I love Elaine as a character. I hope I get more opportunities to write her :)

I get what you mean about the dialogue thing. I did try to put in some details and things in between the lines of dialogue, but I see that I didn't do a great job of that in the Rowena scene. I'll keep working on it! Thanks for the tip :)

I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I'd love to re-request for the fourth if you're not too busy. I'm working on ch. 5 right now, so hopefully it will be up soon :) Thanks again for the help!

--Maggie


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