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Review:Cassie Whitmann says:
Love it! haha!
I really liked how you switched points of view, you really tied them together well, one ending and then the other would pick up with basically the same thought. It's like there's on the same brain wave without even knowing it, they both feel anger towards each other for basically the same thing.

I really like the descriptions and stuff you have in here, they really put an image in your mind as to what the characters look like. You did very well with your descriptive focus on the characters, which was obviously intentional and well executed.

Also with the characters, their tones and attitudes are so believable. I can definitely see this as being how the real James and Lily felt. However, conveyed through this the one thing I might touch on is incorporating something a little past physical attraction. You've touched gently on him being oblivious or dumb and her being smart, but is it a contributing factor to their attraction?

Here and there I think a little more description of the setting would be nice, but what you have here is solid and if you don't feel comfortable adding more detail to the setting than I wouldn't push too hard for it.

Like I said, this is really good, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! I think you should definitely try something like this again. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! haha!
I'm glad you picked up on the POV thing - not many people did, so I was a bit worried that no one would figure it out :/ That was exactly what I was going for with the "same brain wave" thing, so good job on that!

Thank you :D I was kind of going for them "only having eyes for each other," so obviously there's going to be a lot of focus on just the two of them. I'm glad you found the description to be well executed.

Ahaha, well this is my first Lily/James so I'm happy to know that I got them right. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to write them correctly.

To be honest, I wrote this a very long time ago and I haven't read it since I posted it, so I can't speak much to your points :/ I didn't really edit this before I put it up even though I feel I've gotten a lot better at writing since I wrote this. But I'm sure that your points are very valid since you've just read it. If I ever /do/ go back and edit this I will definitely make sure to work on the things you've mentioned here, so thank you so much for pointing them out. And I'll keep these thoughts in mind for any of my future writing endeavors.

Thank yoouu for such a lovely and helpful review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and if I ever come up with some more plot bunnies I'll make sure to try them out. Thanks again ♥


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