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Review:Cassie Whitmann says:
wow. You know, I've never really thought of what Sirius would have been doing the night James and Lily died. I really think you've nailed it right here though.

You kind of breathe emotions into Sirius here, in the books we really only see a very limited range of Sirius' emotion, most of it being joy as he's out of Azkaban and gets to see Harry, we see some others in there as well, but nothings quite like this really.

One spot I noticed that could use some attention is this one:

'Maybe Peter was captured and the Death Eaters wanted to throw Sirius off their trail. Give them more time to torture out the truth from the boy he had been friends with for half his life.'

I don't feel like this should be two sentences, however together like that I think they'd make a bit of a run-on sentence. I would suggest rethinking the fragmenting of it. It's definitely one idea, so I would suggest bringing them into once sentence, however I also don't think a semi- colon would work there either...

You might have to do some rewording to reach the same image you wanted before, but I think it's definitely doable.

Also, this is something to contemplate as well:
'They’re alive! Goddamnit! They have to be!'
When I read this as it is technically written it doesn't really sound right. If I say it the way I would say it in this situation it's 'They're alive, goddamnit! They have to be!' also, goddamnit isn't really a sentence on it's own.

Just my two knuts there, hopefully you find them useful! Thanks for a good read, and great work! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the awesome review! I'll definitely play around with those sentence a bit, although I was pulling more for the choppy structure to match Sirius's erratic thoughts, but I'll see there's a way to achieve that without botching sentence structure too much.

Thanks again for this awesome review!!

Jami


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