|Review:||Athene Goodstrength says:|
Here from Slytherin Review tag!
The biggest thing that struck me about this chapter is that you’ve clearly put a lot of thought and time into this, and I appreciate that. The list of qualifications, the mythology you casually reference (as it’s just a normal part of Clio’s life), her history, the fact that she has a favourite Tale. You just seem very comfortable in JK Rowling’s wizarding world, and you move easily around it.
I often struggle with OC’s, but Clio drew me in quickly. She has brains, an interesting back story and train of thought, and I enjoyed the fact that the first scene is a meeting with Dumbledore. It rooted this story in a sphere I understand. You’ve described her in a way that I can imagine, without making her a Mary Sue.
I loved this little paragraph: ‘"It is, but responsibility is something I'm well acquainted with," she said. Her words sounded scripted, as if they might have come straight from a manual, but her eyes didn't lie. They flared with an intensity that Dumbledore supposed some men might find captivating as she abandoned her carefully prepared answer.’ - it tells you a lot about Clio, and just a little bit about Dumbledore too. It’s a nice interaction.
The thought you’ve put into Runes made it really fascinating - I’d never thought much about them, dismissing them as being a tough, maths-like school subject! Runemasters - amazing idea. I can see why Dumbledore would want to hire her, despite her young age.
This line was great, I could imagine Rowling herself writing it: “When he didn't respond, she proceeded to answer the question with the first coherent thought that popped into her head. "Well, a werewolf is really only a werewolf once a month, while a Death Eater is a Death Eater every day, so I'll go with Death Eater."”
And then, the conversation about ‘Big V’ made me smile. I can totally imagine Dumbledore reacting as he did! Your characterization of him is lovely, and very close to canon I feel. Some people write him as the Angry Gambon, and others get wrapped up in the tortured soul side. But he had a lot of twinkle, too! so I love your characterization here. His line about the house-elves was perfect too.
There were one or two little errors, but I can only find one now:
‘"Yes, I agree," he said, feeling confidenet in his assessment.’ - Should be ‘confident’
Oh I’m just so glad I was behind you in Review Tag! This was fantastic. You’re a great writer. I’m looking forward to reading the rest! :) 10/10 and favourited.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you for your kind review! :) I'm really glad that you liked the first chapter and hope that you'll continue to read and enjoy it.
I had the basic story idea first, then realized that I would need an OC to make it work. I've tried to make her as "real" as possible, so your comments make me very happy. Ancient Runes was convenient because it's the one class where a professor is never mentioned in the books. I did some research into runes and then made other stuff up. :)
I've spent a lot of time editing, so it's wonderful to hear that it hasn't been wasted. I'm still tinkering with passages here and there, which is why I've still got it marked as a work-in-process. A few chapters near the end definitely need a little more attention, so I apologize in advance if you get to them before I do. :)
I've got a running list of spelling and capitalization errors to fix, as well, so I'll add confidenet to it. :) Thanks for pointing it out! There's always a few errors that I miss, no matter how many passes I make.