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Review:MagicalInk says:
Hey, here for the review swap!
Aww, I love me some fluffy Scorpius!

Anyway, I feel this story has a lot of potential, an with just a bit of work, could be wonderful!
So here's some recommendations you could or could not take, it's up to you in the end :)

I really like this Rose, it's unusual and original. I like the fact that she builds this facade, just like Hermione, and that she's supposed to be the strong one. I think that you really picked well the situation in which she'd crumble down, not thinking anyone would be so lonely to come out and find her. So actually, I think you should insist in her strength, for her crumbling down to be something more easily relatable, as the reader kin f knows her more. Just maybe add some back story to her, some memories that show this strength and others her facade so we can relate more to her ;)

I loved the fact that you didn't get Scorpius and Rose together during Hogwarts, that's really original too. It make sme wonder if Scorp ever thought of her in the previews meetings, and if they actually knew of each other's existence before these meetings. It'd be really cool if they met in, per say, the second one, and then he got a girlfriend and then she got sad. But you don't have to tell us everything, as it's just a one-shot (unless you want to make it a short story collection :P), but why did Scorpius suddenly decide to do that? Some back story on that would do this story wonders too!

Also, I noticed there is no dialogue here? I'd recommend adding a couple of lines and no more, that way they'd sort of 'haunt' the reader and they can help with explaining some relationships!

So overall, this was a really sweet and fluffy one-shot that people could relate to and get hope, hopefully this CC will help you! I'd love to help :D
_val

Author's Response: Yeah I've realized that this oneshot still needs a bit of work to be better and I am hoping to write some more on it that will explain some of the missing pieces such as how he knew that she was out there alone and such. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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