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Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review. And I apologise for having taken this long to come here.

Anyway... I think you write humour very well. You've got some very funny scenes in here and a character like Lorcan who just makes everything funny and reflects how drunk the boys were the previous night, even if they don't remember it.

I don't think I've ever read a story where James and Scorpius are best friends, and I think the outlook you have here is quite refreshing.

As for the writing style... I think the grammar was good all over the chapter. Nonetheless, I felt as though there were way too many 'shiz's and 'fudge's that it started to get distracting and heavily forceful. I can tell that you're trying to show that James is immature, but immaturity can be shown in many ways other than just language.

For characterisation, at some points, I felt like they were acting too immaturely for their age. Though this is perhaps something you want to show, that James and those boys are hardly ready for taking care of a baby, I felt that it became a bit unrealistic.

Despite that, I think you handled dialogue well and made the humour prominent yet not overbearing. And that's great!

Anyway, I think this is a pretty good first chapter and you've got some very interesting aspects introduced in it. Well done and good luck with the rest of the story! :D


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