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Review:Moondanser83 says:
Wow.
This story runs at such a frantic pace, it is a little difficult to keep up with. Tonks' jealousy and sorrow come through crystal clear though. The concept that she was simply a replacement for Sirius, because she could emulate him is great. Unfortunately, there are a lot of run on sentences and punctuation issues scattered throughout the story. And that makes it difficult to read. The one that stood out the most to me was...

"Even now, her thoughts are buzzing frantically with Remus and the s--- weather and Voldemort (and, so far in the back of her mind that she does not hear it, whether she will survive this war, and how much more it will take from Remus, and if it even matters any more) and Remus and that annoying Celestina Warbeck song and Remus."

It's nearly impossible to get to the end of it without running out of breath. But with proper punctuation the parentheses would be unnecessary. Personally, as a reader and a writer, it bothers me where they are inserted in a story anyway.

All in all a very emotional story, you can feel both Tonks' and Lupin's spirals of despair as you go... Tonks knowing that she will always be a stand in for the man her husband truly loved and Lupin having to go on after losing said love... powerful stuff.
Keep it up!

~Moon~

Author's Response: Well.
First off, I'm glad you liked the concept; I was a bit unsure about it myself, but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone.

So, about the punctuation and run-on sentences: you're totally right. However, that's not just me being incompetent - maybe it is partly me being incompetent, but never mind - that was sort of the point. I was attempting to use my erratic sentence structure and lack of punctuation to mirror the thought processes of my characters, and I don't think I've ever met anyone who thinks in perfect grammar. That might just be me, though. I'm probably wrong, and maybe I was having a bit too much fun experimenting with style in this fic. I don't know.
I'll stop trying to justify the errors now because I'm just starting to come across as pretentious. Sorry about that.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this. I really do appreciate it. :)


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